This post does not throw shade at people who have chosen to stay single for reasons best known to them.
It is also not directed at those with childhood trauma and other horrible experiences that convinced them that marriage is not for them.
So if that’s your situation, please understand I’m not directing this at you.
This post is for those who want to be married but find finding a partner difficult.
That said, let’s dive in.
13 Reasons Why You’re Not Married Yet
These days we tend to focus on the media’s negativity about marriage.
Asides from that, some of us have set outrageous standards and expectations for people we want to marry.
And because of these so-called requirements we believe our partners must meet, we miss good people.
So let’s look at some weird reasons you’re not married.
1. You want a six-figure earner
Have you put this serious roadblock on your path to finding a suitable partner?
Some of us don’t realize how we sound when we say, “I cannot marry someone who earns less than $100k”.
That is a very high standard as most people don’t earn up to that.
Besides, the people that earn that much are they in your social groups?
Do they live where you live?
What if you married someone who earns less than $100k and put your earnings together to make a good household income?
Won’t that be great?
Okay, I forgot.
Some of us don’t want to work after marriage; that’s why we want one spouse to carry the financial load of the household.
2. You’re not married yet because you’re looking for a 6ft tall partner
Outrageous reason #2 why you’re not married is that you’ve placed a height limit in your dating pool.
So if you meet a good person that’s the same height as you, you’d turn them down because they’re not 6ft tall?
And if you were to switch places, would it be okay for the other person to require this of you?
3. I want to get married, but I’m afraid of divorce
Yes, most married people are so scared of divorce.
But if you focus on the possible divorce instead of how to make it work, then you may inadvertently ruin your marriage.
So how about “what if it works?”
It’s important to know that keeping a marriage takes intentional effort from both.
So before you get married, ask serious questions like, “am I ready to make this work?”
4. Your partner must have a certain level of education
No evidence shows that marriage between two graduates is more stable.
Of course, they’d be more prosperous than a less educated couple.
But is there any evidence that they’re happier and never have marital issues?
I’m not sure.
So refusing to marry someone because they’ve not achieved a certain level of education may not be wise.
Besides, anyone can go back to school at any time.
5. You want to get married, but your ex did XYZ
Okay, you want to get married, but you’re holding back because your ex hurt you.
And you believe the next guy will do the same.
First, your ex is entirely different from your next lover unless you’re notorious for picking the same kind of people.
6. You’re not married because you’re afraid your partner will cheat
If you’re dating someone who cheats on you now, they most likely will cheat on you when you’re married.
So why not choose someone who shows you you’re more than enough for them?
Someone who reassures you that you’re safe going into marriage with them.
Oh, I forgot. Some of us call such partners boring.
7. You’re not married because you’re focused on the romance
Yes, the early days of your relationship will be full of mushy feelings and butterflies in your belly.
Now how you feel after you’re married depends on you.
Expecting your partner to bring you flowers, gifts, rose petals, and a bubble bath daily is unrealistic.
But there are other ways your partner shows love:
- Sharing house chores with you,
- Giving you moral support,
- cuddling and watching your favorite shows together, and so many other things.
And if you open your eyes and mind, you’d see it.
8. You’re scared you won’t be able to have kids
Another reason you’re not married yet is that you’re scared you may not be able to have children.
That’s a valid fear but not enough to forgo what you want.
So when you’re dating someone to marry, talk about things like this.
- Do they want children?
- What if I can’t give them children?’
- Are they open to child adoption?
- Will they treat you the same if you can’t have children?
The conversation can help you decide if you want to tie the knot with them.
Besides, many happy couples can’t bear children and have come to terms with it.
9. You’re not married because you think marriage will make you unhappy
You want to get married but are worried you’d be sad.
Yes, happiness is essential.
But it is not your spouse’s job to make you happy.
Being happy in your marriage is a choice you make.
And I believe it also comes with appreciating each other.
If you don’t appreciate whatever your partner does, you’d nitpick, fight, and likely be unhappy.
And again, even the happiest couples argue.
10. You’re not married because you think marriage would end your career
Who said you’re not allowed to work anymore once you’re married?
First of all, who are you getting married to?
Have you talked to them about working even after marriage?
What is their take on the subject?
If marrying them would affect your career negatively, discuss it with them.
It’s as simple as that.
I had a job when we started dating and continued working even after our first child.
And my husband had a well-paying job. But I was used to working, and we both were okay with it.
I only stopped working several months into my second pregnancy because I wanted to start a home business.
12. Weddings are expensive
Another reason you’re not married is that you’re more focused on the ceremony than the union itself.
So when you meet a potential spouse that cannot afford the wedding you want, you drop them.
Wedding ceremonies are beautiful if you can afford them.
Otherwise, go to the city courthouse, and get your marriage license.
Then maybe take your close friends to dinner after that.
You don’t need a room full of people you don’t like before you know you’re married.
I hope this makes sense.
13. You’re not married because you cannot serve your spouse
Getting married and staying happy is about helping each other.
So if you feel serving your partner makes you less than, you’re missing the point.
There’s nothing wrong with cooking for your spouse or making them a plate.
These are the small things you do to show you love them.
Conclusion on why you’re not married
If you want marriage, think about what’s important.
A college certificate, a person’s height, a wedding ceremony, and whatnot do not guarantee a successful marriage.
But choosing to be good to that great person and putting the effort to make it work is one of many ways to a happy marriage.
I hope this post has opened your eyes to why you’re not married.
And maybe it also helps you see more than these hurdles in your way.
Thanks for reading.
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