Eric and Anna had a good relationship for a while.
They were good friends and great lovers.
Then they hit a rough patch and broke up somewhere down the road.
Two months later, Eric reaches out to Anna and wants to be friends again.
What should Anna do?
Should Anna become friends with Eric again?
Are you in a similar situation?
Please keep reading.
This post will discuss 11 reasons why your ex-boyfriend wants to be friends.
And if it’s healthy to be friends with your ex.
And what to do if he wants to be friends.
Is it healthy to be friends with your ex-boyfriend?
First, let’s establish that starting a friendship with your ex is a pathway to getting back in bed.
Because it’s unlikely that you’d be friends with someone you were sexually involved with and not have sex again.
So remember that when considering friendship with your ex.
Now let’s talk about the nuances of the relationship.
That can help us decide if friendship with your ex is worth it.
Why did you guys split up?
Before you agree to be friends with your ex-boyfriend, you must consider the reasons for the breakup.
Because every relationship is unique.
And you know your dealbreakers and things you love about your ex.
That will help you decide whether you should be friends with an ex.
Massive dealbreakers and relationship no-nos
If you broke up with your ex because:
- he is abusive
- a fraudster,
- or he flirts with other women in your presence(this is not a dealbreaker for some women).
Then it would help if you stood your ground and never be friends with them.
Even if your abusive ex says he’s changed.
Don’t let him express his changed self on you.
You don’t need him in your life.
Because if he’s used to hitting you, he will continue after you get back together.
And that’s bad for your mental health.
Please call the domestic violence hotline if you’re in an abusive relationship.
Small things that your ex-boyfriend can change
Now, if you broke up because:
- Your ex plays too many video games and ignores you for hours.
- Or he’s dirty and doesn’t clean up after himself.
- Or he’s not ambitious and likes to wallow in self-pity.
You know things he can change; you may become friends with him.
And during the time of the friendship, make sure you see he’s making those changes.
- Perhaps you visited him and noticed his place is cleaner.
- Or you spent hours together, and he hasn’t reached for his video game controller.
- Or he’s making plans to improve himself to get a better career.
Those are some changes to look out for.
Don’t get carried away that it’s just a friendship.
So that when you end up in bed together, you’d know it is what you wanted.
What was your relationship like?
Another thing to consider when your ex-boyfriend wants to be friends is the kind of relationship you had with him.
- Did you have a real connection?
- Are you guys compatible?
- Do you see a future with him?
- And are you still interested? Let’s not forget that.
All these points, plus his willingness to change so he doesn’t lose you, will also help you decide about the friendship.
Now let’s talk about why your ex wants to be friends.
11 Reasons your ex-boyfriend wants to be friends
Again, let’s face it.
Your ex-boyfriend is not asking to be friends because they want to be.
There’s always something they’re looking to gain from the friendship.
So let’s discuss them.
1. Your ex-boyfriend wants to get back in bed with you
Like it or not, most exes want to be friends so they can continue having sex with you, no strings attached.
I strongly advise you don’t go into this kind of arrangement with an ex.
Because eventually, you’d start wanting more from the new friendship.
And when you’re not getting your expectations, you’d be hurt again.
Please read My Ex-boyfriend Wants To Sleep With Me – What I Did.
2. He wants to get back together
If your ex wants to be friends with you, it may be because he wants to get back together.
And if you’re not dating anyone and are still interested in him, you can give it a go.
But I’d prefer it if he says he wants to get back together.
So you’re both on the same page and know what you’re doing.
3. Your ex-boyfriend wants to leverage your friendship
Some exes will ask to be friends because they want to gain favors from your family or friends.
If that’s the reason your ex wants to be friends, they should look somewhere else.
You don’t owe them any of that.
4. Your ex wants to be friends because he misses you
Your ex may want to be friends because he misses spending time with you.
Look, you’re not for his entertainment.
Spending time with you comes with the whole package “if you’re dating.”
But if you’re not dating, you don’t owe him that.
He missed hanging out, having fun, and chilling with you.
That’s his loss.
I can’t say more about this.
5. You are a backup plan
Sometimes your ex wants to use you as a backup plan when they want to be friends.
Maybe he’s already dating someone else.
But not sure it would work out.
So he’d rather stay friends with you and maybe return if that relationship fails.
6. Your ex-boyfriend wants to keep tabs on you
Some exes want to keep tabs on you; that’s why they want to be friends.
He wants to know what’s going on in your life.
Maybe he heard you got a better job, are now married, have kids, etc.
I had an ex that was seeing someone else while we were dating.
When I found out, I ended the relationship.
Then he married the lady.
And I got married too.
And my ex has tried to connect ever since.
But I’ve blocked all his attempts at connecting.
I don’t have time for that bull.
7. He wants to know if you’ve moved on
An ex-boyfriend may want to be friends when he wants to know if you’ve moved on.
He might feel bad that you forgot about them so quickly.
Your ex might be jealous that you’re not crying, texting, and asking to get back together anymore.
It might sound funny, but some exes enjoy the attention you give them after the breakup.
That time when you’re down and feel your life has ended.
Now that you’ve healed and no longer texting, they wonder what changed.
So they’d try to be friends to see if you moved on.
8. Your ex-boyfriend may be seeking revenge
Not all exes go out looking for revenge.
But if your ex-boyfriend is abusive, like we said earlier, then revenge may be on his mind.
So he might deceive his way back into your life to hurt you again.
Please don’t give room for any connection or friendship with such a person.
9. Your ex wants to control you
Again this depends on the kind of person your ex is.
One of my ex-boyfriends tried to remain friends with me.
But the friendship didn’t last because he was trying to control my life.
He told me if I married a certain kind of man, he would never talk to me anymore.
And I was like, “good riddance.”
Your ex-boyfriend can’t tell you who you can or cannot date.
So if you notice your ex wants to be friends so he can control you, please cut off the friendship.
10. He wants to make you jealous
Some exes are so shallow that they’d want to be friends to make you jealous.
Please ignore it as you see it coming.
An ex that wants to make you jealous of his life is not genuinely happy.
Because he’s spending more time trying to make jealous instead of enjoying his life.
Am I making sense?
So if you notice the friendship is to rub his life on your face, please ignore it.
11. Your ex genuinely wants to be friends
Maybe you had a good relationship before the breakup; that’s why your ex wants to be friends.
Still, I believe the friendship cannot be platonic because you’ve been sexually involved.
Besides, most of us leave relationships feeling hurt and betrayed.
So I’m not sure the kind of friendship we want to start now, especially if we’re now dating or married to other people.
But it is up to you if you’re not dating and are interested in friendship.
Now what to do when your ex-boyfriend wants to be friends?
If it’s just me, I’d say you don’t reply to his messages.
Just rule him out completely, like he’s dead to you.
But since it’s not always about me, here are a few things you can do.
Hear him out
I think you should hear him out if you’re not dating and still like him.
Especially if you’re sure there’s a future for you in the relationship.
Many couples break up, get back together, and even get married.
So plan a meet and talk.
That’s how you’d know if he wants to get back together or wants sex.
But if your ex is a horrible person you don’t want to have anything to do with, please ignore him.
Do what is good for your mental health.
Boom! Does he want to be friends, or is he just looking for sex?
If your ex-boyfriend wants to be friends with you, you can hear him out or ignore him completely.
But like I said at the beginning, becoming friends with your ex depends on your relationship.
Look out for your major relationship no-nos and things that can be improved.
And make your decision with that information.
Don’t jump back into bed with an ex-boyfriend because the sex is good.
You’d get hurt again.
Back to you. Are you friends with your ex-boyfriend?
Please share your thoughts on being friends with an ex-boyfriend in the comments.
I hope you find this post helpful.
Please share it. It would mean everything to me.
If you enjoyed 11 reasons your ex-boyfriend wants to be friends, you’d also love these posts:
- My Ex-boyfriend Wants To Sleep With Me – What I Did
- I’m Still Angry At My Ex-Boyfriend – What Does It Mean?
- Your Boyfriend Is Still Friends With His Ex-girlfriend – Is It Normal?
- 10 Pieces of Bad Dating Advice Women Give Each Other
- 18 Clear Signs He Doesn’t Care About You (Ditch Him)
- What To Do When Your Friends Dislike Your Partner