When Your Friends Set You Up With Guys- What To Do
After several bad experiences, I say no when my friends try to set me up with guys.
Some people are lucky when they meet someone through their friends or family.
But I believe meeting guys on your own is still the best way.
So this post will discuss why you should decline when your friends try to set you up with guys.
We’ll also discuss what to do instead.
Reasons to decline when your friends set you up with guys
Sometimes a guy might tell your friend he likes you.
And before you know it, your friend is trying to set you up with him.
It’s possible he doesn’t want anything serious.
Or maybe he would approach you on his own.
But the relationship might never work when your friend starts forcing something to happen between you two.
So from my experience, here’s why you should say no when your friends set you up with guys:
1. The guy may act like you’re desperate and he’s doing you a favor
Sometimes when you are set up with a guy, the guy tends to act like you’re desperate.
Nothing wrong with looking for someone to date.
But when someone introduces you guys, one person acts like they’re doing the other a favor.
I’ve experienced it several times.
The guy might act like a jerk but expects you to take all his B.S. because you owe it to your friend to be nice to him.
A friend introduced her fiance’s friend to me.
He was in a different country from me.
So it was a long-distance relationship which I’ve never liked.
But I gave it a try.
Anyway, we called each other and talked about our day-to-day activities.
He knew exactly how I looked, but all I had of him were pictures of pictures.
So I asked for a real picture of him to see how he looks on a regular day at work.
But he refused several times. Instead, he sent snapshots of pictures of him.
So I said never mind, don’t send it.
He got angry and started talking rudely to me about how he didn’t care about me and what I thought.
So he reported me to my friend, who made her judgment from one side of the story.
Her response was, “are you not tired of changing them(men)?”
Anyway, that was the end of the situationship.
2. You can’t tell if the person is genuine or not
Another reason I wouldn’t say I like getting set up is that some people pretend a lot.
And because your friend said he’s cool, he would act the part.
Until he can’t anymore.
Then his true colors would show.
I know of someone whose sister introduced some guy to her.
Before we knew it, he was already visiting her family and getting close to everyone.
Then they got engaged.
Then he developed cold feet and disappeared.
She met a better guy on her own and is now married.
3. Your friends may be too involved in the relationship when they set you up
Another thing I noticed about letting your friends set you up is that they tend to be involved in the relationship.
So maybe you had a little misunderstanding with the guy.
He would tell it to your friend like she’s your mommy.
I don’t understand if he’s telling her so she can scold and ask you to behave better.
Anyway, it’s more like, “you told me she was a nice girl, but that’s not what I’m getting.”
So your friend would be telling you to act right, so it doesn’t look like she was wrong about you.
Which, again, makes you look desperate.
You should be able to say what you don’t want in a relationship without anyone forcing you to be someone else.
4. When your friends set you up with a guy, you might be pressured to accept who you don’t want
Another reason setting you up with a guy is terrible is that you might be pressured to accept someone you don’t like.
Yes, it happens a lot.
Some families or friends would set up a guy or girl with someone they believe is best for them.
And even when things aren’t working out, they’ll tell you to stay and grow to love the person.
I’m not saying you can’t grow to love someone.
But it’s better when you choose to grow to love someone who also loves you.
Instead of staying with someone who mistreats you to please your friends and family.
After all, they’re not the ones who will live with that person.
Also, when people feel like they’re getting older and their choices are limited, they allow friends and family to pressure them to marry someone they don’t like.
Look, it’s best you’re single than marry someone you don’t like.
Or even worse, someone that treats you horribly.
5. Your friends may be looking to gain something when they set you up with a guy
Once a friend introduced me to her boyfriend’s friend.
From the first meeting, I could smell the arrogance.
He acted like they’d brought him a sacrificial lamb to slay.
He never made an effort to have a conversation or even show interest in me.
Anyway, we started having issues rather quickly.
And he was confiding in his friend about me, and the friend was talking to my friend.
Then my friend was telling me to bow to him because her boyfriend wasn’t happy about what was happening to his friend.
Anyway, that was the beginning of the end of our friendship.
So your friend might be looking to gain something from that connection.
And she doesn’t care if you like the guy or not.
Her sole motive was to please her boyfriend.
Because he said, “please find one of your friends for my friend.”
6. Your friends may not know you as much as they think
Sometimes your friends don’t know you as well as they believe when they set you up with a guy.
A friend once introduced me to her guy friend who only mentioned he liked me from a picture.
So we started talking, and I discovered he’s a churchy guy.
He goes to church up to four times a week.
Our conversations never flowed.
We broke up because I could not date someone obsessed with religion.
He wanted to stay friends, but I cut him off because I don’t do friendships with exes.
Months after the breakup, he married someone.
Probably a lady he met at church since that’s where he spent his time.
Point is, my friend didn’t know me as well as she thought she did.
7. Lastly, your friends might secretly be interested in the guy
A friend once introduced a guy to me.
And we started hanging out.
But after a while, I noticed my friend was unhappy about us being together.
Also, the guy liked hanging out with her a lot.
I thought they were just friends.
Only to find out they had a history.
And that was the end of it.
So your friend might have dated or is interested in dating that person.
What to do when your friends offer to set you up with guys
Say no if your friend isn’t a good judge of character.
If your friend isn’t a good judge of character, please don’t let them set you up with guys.
Also, if they’ve set you up before and it was a disaster, you wouldn’t want to experience that again.
So say no, you’re good.
And find other ways to meet guys.
You can meet guys on your own
If you’ve had several bad experiences meeting guys through people, maybe you should change how you meet them.
So put yourself out there, and hopefully, guys will approach you.
And if they don’t. You can try asking guys out.
I know most women don’t like asking men out.
But sometimes, that’s the best way to meet guys.
Especially these days when women get offended when guys pay them little compliments.
Also, when you meet guys on your own, you have no mediator to report to.
So if the relationship doesn’t work, you don’t have to answer to anyone.
Other points about friends setting you up with guys
How to ask a friend to set you up with someone
If you like your friend’s guy friend, you can ask some questions about them.
Then maybe tell your friend you’d like to meet him.
Now, this is coming from you.
So you’re not being forced to hang out with this person.
My friend is trying to set me up with this guy I don’t like; what to do?
Be honest and tell your friend you don’t want to meet the guy.
She cannot force you to talk to someone you don’t like.
And if she persists, something might be going on that you don’t know about.
Maybe she’s hoping to gain something from setting you up with him.
Whatever it is, stand your ground that you don’t want to meet him.
What to do when your friend sets you up with someone?
Are you interested in meeting a guy through your friend?
Did your friend mention they were setting you up with someone?
Is your friend a good judge of character?
Have you had several bad experiences meeting guys through that friend and other people?
Those are some questions to ask yourself before deciding what to do.
Conclusion on reasons to decline meeting guys through your friends
So that’s my take on why to say no when your friends try to set you up with guys.
I hope you find them helpful.
Thanks for reading.
Please share this post; I’d appreciate it.
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