I’ve never been one to remain friends with an ex.
Because when I break up with someone, I like to cut off all ties.
I prefer to move on without exes being in the picture.
So I also like to date guys with no ties to their exes.
And I’m guessing we’re alike in that sense; that’s why you’re reading this post.
This post will discuss things to consider when your boyfriend is friends with his ex-girlfriend.
What to do, and if it’s normal for them to stay close friends.
My little story
While I usually cut off boyfriends after a breakup, I remained friends with an ex.
After some time, we started seeing each other again.
And we were somewhat in a relationship.
But not in a relationship.
You get the idea.
So a guy friend told me it’s best to cut off said ex so I could move on and find someone serious to date.
And I did.
When I started dating my husband, his ex wanted to remain in the picture.
But I wasn’t comfortable with them staying friends.
So he cut her off.
Though she tried to break our relationship.
But it didn’t work.
So I’ve been on both sides of friendships with exes.
And below are things you must consider about your guy’s friendship with his ex.
7 Things to consider when your boyfriend is still close friends with his ex-girlfriend
1. The kind of relationship they had
The first thing to consider about your boyfriend staying friends with his ex is their relationship.
How long did they date?
Or was it just a casual thing?
Or they need to stay friends because they have a kid together.
You wouldn’t want your partner to be absent from his kid’s life.
It could be anything.
This might help you understand if their friendship is normal or not.
2. The reason they broke up
Another thing you must consider is why they broke up.
No matter how amicable a breakup is, one or both partners are always hurt.
In that case, your boyfriend might want nothing to do with his ex-girlfriend.
But sometimes, people break up on good terms.
And are comfortable being platonic friends with their ex.
3. Your boyfriend’s and his ex-girlfriend’s intentions
Another thing to consider about your boyfriend’s friendship with his ex is his intentions.
Is your boyfriend hiding the fact that they’re friends?
Maybe they’re having secret dates and other intimate hangouts together.
Or maybe he’s honest with you about their friendship.
Now his intentions might be clear.
But does he or you know his ex-girlfriend’s intentions?
Maybe she wants more, and your boyfriend doesn’t know yet.
She might be using platonic friendship to get back with him.
4. Does his ex-girlfriend have a boyfriend?
This is even a pointless question.
Because if she did, she wouldn’t have time to stay close friends with an ex.
So she may want him back.
Or the so-called boyfriend might be a ploy to make your guy jealous and make him want her back too.
5. Consider your feelings about their friendship.
How do you feel about their friendship?
Remember, your feelings are valid.
Again everyone is different and would handle this matter uniquely.
So if you’re not okay with your boyfriend and his ex being friends, talk to him about it.
Be honest and let him know how it makes you feel.
Hopefully, he won’t dismiss your thoughts.
6. Does he flirt with her?
If your boyfriend flirts with his ex-girlfriend, then I’d be worried.
People don’t just flirt with each other.
Mainly when they used to be lovers.
So if they’re sexting or something similar, I’d question the friendship.
7. Are you just jealous?
It’s normal to be jealous when your boyfriend is close friends with another woman.
Let alone someone, he used to love dearly.
But you must know that jealousy can ruin your relationship if not managed well.
If your guy puts you first, try not to worry about his friendship with his ex.
Still, speak up if something about their friendship seems unusual.
What it means when your boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend
They’re likely dating
Most times, when people remain friends with their exes, they’re probably still dating.
Even if they are not dating seriously, they might be sleeping together.
Some even get back together with their exes.
And break up with the current partner.
So if they spend lots of time together alone, something is fishy.
They’re likely sleeping together if they spend nights at each other’s place.
They’re just friends.
Again, because people are different, maybe they have boundaries.
The ex-girlfriend knows your guy is dating you.
And she doesn’t intend to break your relationship because she values his friendship.
And maybe your guy knows there’s a line he can’t cross with her anymore because he loves you.
So they may now be platonic friends.
And that means they can say hello if they bump into each other in public.
As opposed to planning coffee dates, spending nights together, etc.
Your friendship isn’t enough for him.
While I like to leave some wiggle room for possible platonic friendship, I can’t help myself.
So I’ll go on a limb to say maybe your guy prefers his ex-girlfriend’s friendship to yours.
Because if he’s spending time being friends with her, how can he be close friends with you?
So again, he might be cheating on you with his ex.
What to do when your boyfriend is close friends with his ex-girlfriend
1. Talk about it
If you’re uncomfortable with your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend being friends, talk to him about it.
Tell him how it makes you feel.
Most times, if no strings are attached, your guy might reduce contacting her.
And because he loves and respects you, he wouldn’t want you to doubt your place with him.
So he won’t have any issues with making you a priority.
2. When your boyfriend is friends with his ex-girlfriend, set boundaries
Depending on you and your guy, you can set boundaries.
You can agree that they won’t spend time alone in private settings.
But you might be okay with them hanging out with their mutual friends.
Also, she must respect that he has a girlfriend.
And he can’t jump to do her favors like when they were dating.
3. Trust your partner
When you trust your partner, you might be confident that his friendship with an ex won’t shake your relationship.
But if your partner has given you reasons not to trust them, it would be hard to overlook his friendship with his ex.
Also, it’s worth noting that you can trust your partner and know their intentions.
But do you trust the ex-girlfriend?
Yeah, you can’t control what she does.
So your best bet is to keep trusting that you guy is doing the right thing.
4. Remember that the friendship between your guy and his ex can change
Another thing is that friendships change over time.
So even if your guy is close friends with his ex, it doesn’t mean they’ll always be.
And if your ex limits the time he gives his ex-girlfriend, they might slowly drift apart.
5. Respect your partner’s right to friendships
Respect is vital in all healthy relationships.
Some people won’t cut off their exes even if their current partner isn’t comfortable with it.
So it might be a case of getting used to their friendship or leaving them alone.
This means you must respect their right to be friends with an ex if you must be with them.
Still, if your partner dismisses your concern about the friendship, communicate with them and find a resolution.
6. Ask for support when your boyfriend is friends with his ex
If you can’t deal with your boyfriend being close friends with his ex, seek the help of friends, family, or a counselor.
Maybe they’ll show you a different viewpoint.
Or support you in whatever you decide to do.
7. End the relationship and move on
It’s okay to have dealbreakers.
Many people have okayed friendships between their partners and ex-partners.
And they were surprised when their partners went back to their exes.
I’m not saying this will happen to you.
Just saying anything can happen.
And you should be aware of the possibilities.
Especially if your boyfriend puts his ex-girlfriend before you.
And it’s okay to break up with him and move on.
Besides, why did they break up if their friendship was so important?
What to not do when your boyfriend is friends with his ex-girlfriend
Don’t contact her
You might be tempted to call your boyfriend’s ex and warn her to stay away.
But please don’t.
You’d hurt her for nothing if she’s not trying to ruin your relationship.
And if she’s interested in your guy, she would take your call as a challenge and go all in.
You know some people are crazy like that.
Also, you may ruin your relationship.
That’s why it’s best to end the relationship if you’re not comfortable with their friendship.
Don’t stalk her on social media.
Another thing you shouldn’t do is stalk her on social media.
Being curious about her looks and what makes her so special is normal.
But it’s not important.
Because you’d see something to be jealous of when you find her.
Most of all, don’t dm her or leave nasty comments on her posts.
You’d look crazy.
Try to be friends if it so happens.
Just adding this because some people are close friends with their boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends.
But I’m uncomfortable with such friendships because some girls don’t know boundaries.
They might start telling you what your guy likes or dislikes.
They’d show you they know him better than you do.
There’d be some level of competition somewhere.
So I’d rather not.
But if you’re okay with it, do what’s best for you.
In conclusion, Is it normal for your guy to be close friends with his ex-girlfriend?
In my opinion, it is not normal.
Because if the relationship was so good, why did they break up?
But again, people are different.
Some people think it’s okay to stay friends with their exes.
And they have no problem dating someone who’s close friends with their exes.
But you know what’s best for you.
And it’s okay to walk away if you’re uncomfortable with their friendship.
That’s my two cents on the matter.
I hope you find it helpful.
Take good care.
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