Are you married or planning to, and looking for ways to deal with difficult in-laws?
I understand because I’ve been there.
But my husband had my back.
While some of us are fortunate to meet our spouse’s family and get along, it may be a different experience for you.
And sometimes, your in-laws may be difficult at the beginning of your marriage and change later, which was my experience.
But some in-laws will forever be difficult, and here’s why:
Why your in-laws are difficult
For several reasons, your in-laws may be difficult, and we’ll cover a few.
One of the reasons your in-laws may be difficult is their prejudice against your origin or place of birth.
And once they meet you, they cannot help but act on their prejudice.
Some will even tell your spouse you are not good enough because you’re from XYZ.
Another example of prejudice from in-laws may be the way you carry yourself.
You don’t play eye service.
So they conclude that you’re too proud or won’t make a good partner.
Your in-laws may be difficult because they believe you’d block them from getting things they used to gain from your spouse.
So they’d try anything they can to break you guys up so they can have your spouse all to themselves.
Another reason why some in-laws are difficult is experience.
Maybe they had a bad experience with relationships and marriage and are still sad about it.
So they’ll do what they can to ensure you are unhappy in your marriage.
Some in-laws want to be worshiped.
They want you to work for their approval.
And that’s nonsense.
And let me tell you, nothing you do will ever please them.
They’ll still find something wrong even if you try to suck up to them.
You don’t have to prove anything to anyone except your spouse.
How To Deal With Difficult In-laws
Your spouse must be on your side to successfully deal with difficult in-laws.
Because without the support of your spouse, you’d be fighting a losing battle.
While some partners will protect you from their families, some will tell you to be a different person.
They might even say your character is why your in-laws are being difficult.
So you must know your spouse well before marrying them.
If you guys live together, you will learn more about your partner.
And if they’re the kind that will stand with you or not, you’ll know.
So let’s say your spouse supports you.
Below are tips for dealing with difficult in-laws.
1. You and your spouse have to be on the same page
If your in-laws talk bad about you, your spouse must let you know.
This is the first step to managing difficult in-laws.
And when you know this, don’t fight his family.
Instead, continue to deal with them the way you always have.
They will see that your partner tells you what they say about you with time.
It doesn’t mean they’ll stop talking crap about you.
They will continue amongst themselves.
But not to your partner because he will not indulge them.
2. To deal with difficult in-laws, be yourself
The last thing you want to do is to change to make your in-laws like you.
Look, it won’t work.
If they already have some prejudice against you, nothing you will do will change that.
So be yourself.
You’re not getting married to them.
So what your in-laws believe is unimportant.
What’s important is how your spouse treats you.
3. Don’t start what you can’t finish
Don’t go to your difficult in-law’s home to do chores to please them.
First, you’d never do it right.
Second, you will have even more problems if you stop doing those things.
I never knew how to play eye service.
So we never allowed our families to pressure us to act a certain way.
Because we both knew how it would end.
4. Let your spouse fight for you
Difficult in-laws will only talk.
But if your spouse is on your side, they can’t touch you.
Your spouse will fight for you to the last.
And because they’re his family, he knows best how to deal with them.
Also, they might change when your in-laws realize they have things to lose if they’re on bad terms with you two.
For example, they want to be in your children’s lives.
They can’t keep making your lives difficult and expect to have that.
And your spouse needs to make it clear to them.
5. Focus on your marriage
Difficult in-laws will try their hardest to break your marriage.
But don’t let them.
Their mission is to upset you to the point where you believe you’d only have peace if you ended your marriage.
Block out the noise, and focus on your marriage.
Please don’t give them what they want.
Don’t let anything or anyone shake you as long as your partner wants to be with you.
Yes, it isn’t easy.
But you can do it.
6. Do not respond to difficult in-laws
Again prejudice plays a massive role in this part.
When your in-laws are being difficult, please don’t respond to them.
They will do things to get you to talk.
But don’t react.
I know it’s hard.
But let your spouse handle his family.
I’m saying this because your in-laws may be looking for something to stamp on you.
And the moment you answer, you’ve given them what they’re looking for.
And they have the receipts to prove it.
Also, another good reason not to reply to them is that they will have no idea what’s on your mind.
Which keeps you one step ahead of them.
7. Give them space
Please give them space if they try to make life difficult for you.
I’m not saying you should hate them.
Just keep a healthy distance.
You can avoid their comments without being hurt or tempted to reply.
Conclusion on Ways To Manage Difficult In-laws
Let’s recap 7 tips for dealing with difficult in-laws.
- Be on the same page with your spouse.
- Don’t start what you can’t finish. I mean, no eye service
- Let your spouse fight for you
- Give difficult in-laws space
- Never respond to them
- Focus on your marriage
- Be yourself
I understand you want your partner’s family to love and accept you. And it’s good.
But if it doesn’t happen that way, no problem.
It’s not the first time people will talk about you.
So shake it off, and live your life.
Not everybody will like you. And that’s life for us.
All the best.
Thanks for reading.
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