Avoiding issues with your mother-in-law can save you lots of stress.
While most of us focus on the mother-in-law being the problem, we fail to realize that some daughters-in-law are also to blame for the issues we face.
Don’t tell me you haven’t heard women talk about wanting to marry a man whose mother is dead, so they won’t have to deal with mother-in-law issues.
So let’s not sit here and act like issues with the mother-in-law is a one-way street.
Yes, I know some mothers-in-law are overbearing, but we’ll look at both sides and how to deal with it.
This post will discuss how to avoid issues with your mother-in-law.
But first, let’s examine why you have issues with your husband’s mother.
Why you don’t get along with your mother-in-law
Most of us have prejudices about mother-in-law because of the stories we’ve heard.
So we’ve already concluded that mothers-in-law are evil.
It got so bad that some women wished to marry guys who had lost their mothers.
That’s just crazy.
What if your son’s wife wished you were dead before they married?
Will that be fair?
And when we carry this prejudice into marriage, our mother-in-law will never do anything right.
And even when we have good mothers-in-law, we’ll still find something wrong with her and keep having issues.
So if you have an excellent mother-in-law and you’re still having issues with her, maybe she’s not the problem.
Another reason you have issues with your mother-in-law could be that she’s overbearing.
Some mothers-in-law want to tell you how to raise your kids.
Or they want to control the decisions you and your husband make.
I even saw a post on Quora where the inlaws requested to be in the delivery room when the daughter-in-law delivered her baby.
Now that is an overbearing mother-in-law.
And why they’d even ask to be there is beyond me.
Some mothers-in-law are not pleasant to their daughters-in-law.
Some lady talked about how her mother-in-law always puts her down before her husband.
Saying things like she’s ugly without makeup and even worse things.
Now the hubby has issues with his mom because she mistreats his wife.
But the wife wants him to have a good relationship with his mom.
While the husband can’t stand his mom bad-mouthing his wife.
So, in this case, the mother-in-law doesn’t know where to draw the line.
Your hubby cannot stand up to his mom.
Now, if you’re cool, but your mother-in-law still makes a fuss, and you have no support from your spouse, you’ll never get anywhere.
Sorry to say, but some men cannot stand up to other moms and let her know boundaries as regards their wives.
My husband told his mom that he was getting married to me and won’t change his mind.
He has supported me from the beginning and still does to date.
Without his support, I wonder where our marriage would be today.
So if your man isn’t telling his mom to treat you kindly the way you do her, these issues will keep arising.
Now, how do you avoid issues with your mother-in-law?
Before I married, I used to have that bias that mothers-in-law are horrible.
It even got to the point where I told my cousin I might never get married.
And in the same breath, I said, “no, I will get married, and my MIL would like me because I’m likable.
It was a wish on a star.
However, the first time I met my mother-in-law, we didn’t click.
But with my husband on my side the whole time, things changed.
And with time, my mother-in-law and I became close.
Since the mother-in-law will always be a part of your husband’s life, here’s how to avoid having issues with her:
1. You and your husband must be on the same page.
When you and your husband are on the same page, no one can break through, no matter what they do.
Your mother-in-law shouldn’t tell you where to live, how to decorate your house, etc.
And if your husband always budges whenever his mother makes decisions, you’d have no say in the decision-making in your marriage.
So make sure you are both on the same page.
Don’t make room for anyone to think they can sway you or him.
When they see you have a united front, everyone will adjust, get on board or stay out of your lives.
Apply the same rules when your parents try to interfere in your marriage.
2. To avoid issues with your mother-in-law, you need your husband’s support.
Now, you and your man can be on the same page, but it doesn’t mean he might not go behind you to placate mom.
So here are ways your husband can support you to avoid mother-in-law issues:
Your husband must put you first.
Your husband must make it clear that you come before his mother.
Before he married you, she came first.
But now, as a couple, the wife comes before the mother. Likewise, your husband comes before your parents.
Some people won’t agree, but it’s the truth unless you want your inlaws calling the shots in your home.
Hubby shouldn’t try to play both sides.
Another way your husband can show you support is to stand by you, whether you’re there or not.
He should not try to play both sides; it only leads to more trouble.
So if you and your husband decide on something, he must stand his ground and not change it to please mom.
And if his mom can sway his decisions, your input will become irrelevant.
Also, you’d know when he’s gone behind your back to appease her because it would show in her actions.
Again, you must support him when your family tries to interfere too.
It cannot be one-sided.
Dear hubby must let mom know he loves your way now.
So we all love our parents cooking.
But once your husband is married to you, he eats your cooking.
And he shouldn’t let his mother impose her cooking style on you.
Or tell you how her son likes his food.
Your husband must support you by telling her he loves the way you cook.
And that when he’s at her home, she can cook her way.
But when she’s at your home, she would give you space to do things your way.
And again, he mustn’t go behind your back to do otherwise because it only worsens matters.
3. Get rid of your prejudice to avoid issues with your mother-in-law.
If you are prejudiced against all mothers-in-law, the above tips may not help you.
So maybe drop your preconceived notion that all mothers-in-law are evil.
Because if you continue that prejudice, it will show in your actions.
You may unknowingly speak rudely to your mother-in-law, and she would dish it back at you.
And before you know it, things have gone bad.
And no matter how much support your husband gives, you’d keep fighting with his mom.
4. Support your husband when your family bad-mouths him too
When we talk about the mother-in-law, we mainly focus on the husband’s mother.
How about the wife’s mother?
Is she imposing her ideas or somehow making your husband feel like he doesn’t have a say?
If your mom(or parents) are making his life difficult, you must stand up for him too.
It’s easy to believe our parents are the angels while our partner’s parents are overbearing.
Please support your man when your parents put him down too.
It’s a two-way street.
If not, it would be, “you don’t fight for me, so I can’t fight for you.”
And things can go south from there.
You may also enjoy reading 7 Clever Tips To Deal With Difficult Inlaws.
5. Get professional help if nothing works
The final tip to avoid issues with the mother-in-law is to seek professional help.
Maybe you both need an unbiased opinion on how you deal with your mother-in-law.
And maybe someone needs to open your man’s eyes to how he avoids telling mom to let you breathe.
Or maybe open your eyes to your own bias against your partner’s family.
Remember, both partners take credit for the good and bad things in a marriage.
So think about that.
Let’s recap how to avoid issues with your mother-in-law.
- Rid yourself of your prejudice against mothers-in-law
- Get on the same page with your man
- You can’t do this alone; you need your hubby’s support
- Make sure you’re putting him before your family as he does for you.
- Lastly, seek unbiased professional help.
I hope you find these tips helpful in avoiding issues with your husband’s mother.
Thanks for reading.
Please share this post; it would mean everything to me.
Here are some related posts you might like.
- 7 Clever Tips To Deal With Difficult Inlaws
- How To Prioritize Your Marriage – 10 Tried & Tested Ways
- 35 Silly Mistakes That Destroy A Great Relationship
- How I De-Escalate Arguments With My Husband – 5 Simple Tricks
- 5 Things I Learned From My Parents’ Marriage
- 9 Intentional Ways To Make Your Marriage Stronger
- How To Keep People Out Of Your Relationship