I Want Kids, But My Partner Doesn’t – 9 Things To Do
It can be heartbreaking to discover you want kids, but your partner doesn’t.
So how do you deal with this challenging situation?
Do you end your relationship with a guy who doesn’t want kids?
Or do you stay and hope he changes his mind about kids?
This post will discuss what to do when you want kids, but your partner doesn’t.
What to do when you want kids, but your partner doesn’t
1. Tell him you want to have kids in the future
When you want kids, and your partner doesn’t, it’s best to discuss it with them.
Tell him you love and want to be with him.
But sometime in the future, you’d love to have kids with him.
And ask him what he thinks about having kids with you.
Because some people want children but not with their current lovers, for some reason.
So he might tell you he doesn’t want kids at all.
Or maybe sometime in the future, he’d love to have children with you.
You’d only know when you ask.
This is to make sure you’re on the same page.
2. Understand why he doesn’t want kids, and don’t pressure him
Also, try to understand why your partner may not want kids.
Maybe your partner thinks he might not make a great parent.
Or he’s just not interested in bringing kids into the world.
Or he’d rather focus on his career.
Also, your partner might be scared that having kids would change your life forever.
All these are valid reasons why he may not want children.
But don’t pressure him to change his mind.
3. Apologize to your partner for not addressing it sooner
Maybe you assumed you and your partner want the same things.
And now your partner feels somehow that he’s breaking your heart by telling you he doesn’t want the same things.
So apologize to him for not addressing the topic of kids earlier.
And also for putting him in an awkward position.
Also, forgive yourself for not mentioning you wanted kids when your relationship started getting serious.
Because you’d feel guilty for just saying it now.
When you had months or years to mention your desire to be a mom.
4. Consider ending your relationship if you’re not on the same page
If you and your partner are not on the same page, ending your relationship is okay.
But still, don’t be too quick to call it quits.
Because you’d never know what will happen.
5. Stay and see how things go – your partner might change his mind about kids
Another thing to do when your partner doesn’t want kids is to stay with him and see how things go.
He might change his mind about kids because he loves and wants to be with you.
A close friend was dating and looking to marry a guy.
Only to discover he doesn’t want kids.
But she wanted kids.
So she told him what she wanted.
And because he loved her and didn’t want to lose her, he decided to have kids with her.
They have a kid and have been married for many years.
So you’d never know; your partner might change his mind.
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6. Your biological clock may or may not be ticking
Please don’t be in a hurry because you think your time to have kids is running out.
Yes, geriatric pregnancy is why you want to have kids as soon as possible.
But women still have healthy babies in their late 30s, 40s, and even 50s.
I’m not saying you’d be an exception to the rule.
But it’s always best to take time and think things through before making decisions.
And even if things don’t work out between you and your current partner, don’t rush into another relationship because you think your biological clock is ticking.
7. You don’t want to end up with a jerk because you want kids
The last thing you want is to be with a jerk who wants kids.
He would give you kids, but it won’t be worth it if he’s not a good person.
That’s why you must slow down.
And not rush to end your current relationship.
Also, it’s better to be with a good man who doesn’t want kids than a jerk who does.
Because at the end of the day, kids or not, you’re better off with someone who treats you well.
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8. Give yourself an ultimatum.
Another thing you can do if your guy doesn’t want kids is to give yourself an ultimatum of how long you’d wait and see if he’d change his mind.
And also plan what you want to do when that time comes.
Would you end the relationship?
Or would you let go of your desire to have kids and stay with your man?
Write it all down, and follow through.
Please, don’t give him an ultimatum.
So that it won’t feel like you’re pressuring him to want the same things.
And also because you want him to decide independently and not under pressure.
9. In the future, make sure to mention to your partner that you want kids
If, for some reason, your relationship ended because you want different things, make sure not to repeat the same mistake.
So if you start a new relationship, please say what you want when things get serious.
My husband and I talked about kids ways before we started dating.
Because we were close friends, we talked about many things.
And when we started dating, we still discussed how many kids we wanted.
Now we have two kids as planned.
And we’re not interested in having more kids.
So once you know your relationship is serious, tell your partner what you want.
If you want marriage, long-term relationships, kids, or no kids, talk about it.
Don’t be scared to have tough conversations.
That’s how you know if you’re on the same page.
And you can decide what to do.
Signs he doesn’t want kids
- He doesn’t talk about them. Guys who want kids talk about them a lot.
- He’s weird around kids.
- He’s a perfectionist and leaves no room for flexibility.
- He says kids are expensive, and he’d instead save his money.
- He says things like kids misbehave and don’t follow instructions.
- He says the world is overpopulated and doesn’t want to add to them.
- Or he says his genes are not good enough to pass to another human. Rightfully so. Lol.
Is it normal for couples not to have kids?
Yes, it is normal for couples not to want children.
I know of someone who got married just last year.
And they both agreed they didn’t want kids.
And they’re fine.
Not every couple will want kids, and it’s okay.
Just the same way, some couples are okay with not being married.
It’s their choice to make.
To have kids or not
Do what’s best for you.
Most people don’t have the time and patience to raise kids.
So they’d rather not have children.
Some feel children will change their relationships, social life, and career.
You know what’s best for you.
I’ve always wanted to have a husband and kids.
It has been part of my life’s plan since high school.
And I wouldn’t change it for anything.
So to have kids or not, it’s your and your partner’s decision.
Conclusion – I want kids, but my partner doesn’t
So if you and your partner aren’t on the same page as per kids, talk and choose what’s best for you.
Don’t rush into a new relationship with a jerk because they want the same things.
Remember wanting the same things in a relationship includes treating each other with love and respect.
Not just wanting kids and being parents.
That’s my two cents on the topic.
Were you in a relationship where you wanted kids, and your partner didn’t?
Please share your experience and tips for dealing with it with us.
Thanks for reading.
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