Nowadays, some wives run to social media to complain about their husbands being their biggest kids.
And they get an army of women who think like them to shame their husbands.
While I understand that some husbands don’t support their wives as they should, I also believe some women parent their spouses.
And the mothering part is what these social media wives never mention.
Because if you mother your husband, it’s only normal you’d see him as a kid.
Anyway, if you’re in a situation where your husband isn’t supporting you as he’s supposed to, this post is for you.
This post will discuss how you ended up with a man-child and how to stop mothering your husband and calling him your oldest kid.
Why are you married to a man-child?
Here are some reasons you ended up with a man-child:
You think it’s cute to parent your partner.
Believe it or not, some ladies think treating a man like a child is cute until it becomes exhausting.
They’d say things like, “he’s so adorable. What will he do without me?”
It’s cute to parent your partner until you’re overwhelmed with chores, errands, appointments, etc.
And while some men will try to stop you, some will sit back and let you run the show.
You cater too much.
At the start of your relationship, were you over-functioning?
You catered to him to the point where he was sure you could handle everything alone.
And some of us want to prove ourselves as good partners and get lost in the process.
Or maybe you’re scared he will leave you, so you cater to him more than you should.
Seeing a therapist will help you a lot if that’s the case.
You knew before marrying him.
When we rush to get married, we sometimes focus on unimportant things.
Maybe you were so in love with him, and he could do no wrong.
Because if you need someone who would be responsible in the home, your focus should be on that.
- Is he willing to share chores?
- Does he seem like a dad that will always be there for you and the kids?
- How does he treat you?
- Does your partner understand you’re a team?
Those are vital things to look out for, especially when living with your partner before marriage.
And if you saw your dealbreakers and still married him, I’m sorry, but it’s on you.
You want to control everything.
Some of us get into relationships with men we can boss around.
At first, it feels good to be in control.
But after some time, it begins to drain us.
Then we start accusing our men of not helping.
But we seem to forget we’ve taken control for a long time, and our men got used to not helping.
So how do we stop this crazy cycle?
Stop mothering your husbands, ladies.
How to stop mothering your husband
It can be hard doing everything yourself while your partner sits around relaxing.
But here’s what you can do:
1. Talk to him like a friend, not his mother.
If your husband isn’t helping with house chores, discuss it with him.
Tell him you’d love it if he helps around the house more.
Please don’t come in and scold him like his mother.
You won’t get anywhere like that.
Instead, speak to him like he’s your husband/friend and that you’d appreciate it if he did some chores.
2. How to stop mothering your husband? Discuss how to share chores
Next, list the house chores if that works for you.
Then share the chores, so everyone knows what they should do.
Like in my home, I do the cooking and some cleaning, while John does the laundry and some cleaning.
And it works because we know what we’re meant to do.
3. Stop doing his chores or running his errands.
If your husband is supposed to take out the trash and hasn’t, you can remind him.
But don’t try to do his chores because he didn’t do them when you wanted him to.
Also, if he says he will do it, believe and let him do it.
Please resist the urge to hover above him until he does what you want when you want it.
4. To stop being a mom to your husband, please stop enabling him.
Another way to stop mothering your husband is to quit enabling him.
Let him deal with the consequences if he’s supposed to do something and forgets.
And when he realizes he’s messed up and hurting his loved ones, he might take a few steps back and check himself.
Also, when your husband realizes his mistake and apologizes, accept his apology.
But also let him know he needs to step up and fix the mess.
5. Don’t make excuses for him.
To stop mothering your husband, please don’t make excuses for him.
Let him deal with it if he sat back and let things go wrong that may have somehow affected you and the kids.
I know you love him and don’t want him feeling like crap.
But sometimes, we all need to feel like crap to get a wake-up call.
He needs to deal with the consequences of his actions, or else the cycle will continue.
So don’t make any excuses for him.
6. Say “thank you” when your husband helps
When your hubby starts taking responsibility and pulling his weight around the house, please remember to thank him.
It shows you appreciate his efforts and that you’re not just ungrateful.
And also resist the urge to find fault with how he does things.
You want to encourage him to do stuff, not discourage him with nagging and being judgy.
7. Please stop discussing your husband with other people.
If your husband messes up, you should talk to him instead of shaming him on social media.
It doesn’t help either of you.
You don’t need strangers telling you who your hubby is because you know him more than anyone.
Also, if you discuss your man with a friend who doesn’t like him, they’d only give you bad advice.
So work things out with your man, and keep people out.
8. Stop and take self-care breaks.
Sometimes, leave everything, ask your man to help, and get some self-care time.
I do it too.
Put your feet up, binge-watch your favorite shows with your guy, or take a nap.
Just do something for yourself.
Because if you try to do everything, be the supermom, most organized wife, etc., you’ll burn out.
So make self-care a priority.
9. Get professional help
If you’ve tried everything to stop mothering your husband, and nothing seems to be working, please consider professional help.
Hopefully, you and your hubby would benefit from a counselor.
10. Consider temporary separation
If your hubby still wants to be mothered after months of marriage counseling, please consider separation for some time.
It won’t be easy, but it might be for the best.
And if he doesn’t want to lose you, he will step up and do better.
11. How to stop mothering your husband? Quit referring to him as your biggest kid.
Lastly, – in case nobody has told you this – calling your husband your oldest kid is creepy as eff.
And it doesn’t look good on you to call the man you sleep with your oldest kid.
Some women think it makes them appear strong when they brag about their husbands being big kids on social media.
But it says more about them than him.
So please drop it.
Let’s wrap up how to stop being a mom to your husband.
To stop mothering your hubby:
- Talk to him like a friend
- Discuss how to share chores
- Stop doing his chores.
- Please stop enabling him.
- Don’t make excuses for him.
- Thank him when he does his part.
- Please stop discussing your hubby with other people.
- Stop and take self-care breaks.
- Get professional help.
- Consider leaving him.
- Stop referring to him as your biggest kid.
I hope this helps you drop that creepy idea that your hubby is your biggest kid.
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