5 Simple Hacks To Stop Judging Your Partner
Are you constantly judging your partner?
And do you think it is taking a toll on your relationship?
I used to correct everything my husband did.
While he was just being himself, I always saw fault in his actions.
And the crazy thing is, he never judged me.
He gave me room to be myself and loved me for it.
But I made it my life’s work to criticize him every chance.
And he made it clear he doesn’t like it when I do that.
Just because he’s not doing it my way doesn’t mean his way is wrong.
Since then, I’ve given him breathing space to be himself.
Though it took time and actively stopping myself from judging him, I stopped.
And the best part is that we rarely argue because we give each other the freedom to exist.
So this post will discuss how to stop judging your partner.
Let’s dive in.
Why do you judge your partner?
First, let’s talk about why we judge our partners.
You judge your partner because you can’t be yourself with someone else.
Sometimes we judge people because, unlike us, they’re not scared to be themselves.
They don’t need anyone’s permission to be themselves.
And that makes us insecure.
So to feel good about ourselves, we make them feel like something is wrong with them.
And try to pull them down because misery loves company.
You have a habit of criticizing.
Sometimes, we judge our partners like they have a problem.
While we’re the ones with the problem.
We want everything to be done our way, or we will make a fuss.
So no matter what someone else does, we’ll find something wrong with it.
And the truth is, if you spend time looking for reasons to criticize your partner, you’ll find many.
You can’t tolerate others.
Another reason some of us judge our partner is that we are intolerable.
I’m sorry, but it’s true.
- If you make a fuss about how the toilet seat should be,
- Or if you say your guy does not wash the dishes right, (how do you wash plates wrong?)
- Or you nitpick everything your man does like he’s inadequate;
you can’t live with other people.
Some of us have been in relationships where our partners made us feel inadequate.
So somewhere inside, we still feel that way.
And when you have a good partner, you feel like something is wrong.
Because your new partner is not belittling everything you do, which feels odd.
And some of us sabotage this new healthy relationship by finding faults instead of enjoying it.
If this is what you’re going through, please get professional help.
Another reason we judge is that we don’t value help from anyone.
Some of us want to do everything because nobody does it better.
So no matter how much help you get, you’d find something wrong.
You must have heard of partners who focus on the bleach stain on the sheet instead of thanking their partner for doing laundry.
Or your partner made dinner before you got home from work, but you’re complaining about the dirty sink.
How do you think your partner would feel?
They’d feel you’re ungrateful.
5 Tips on how to stop judging your partner
It won’t be easy to stop nitpicking your partner’s every move.
But you can do it.
Just take it one day at a time.
Here are simple tips to stop being a judgemental partner:
1. See your spouse as a unique person
Just like you, your partner is unique.
Our upbringing, culture, etc., influence the way we do things.
So even if your partner does not wash and dry the dishes your way, it doesn’t mean his way is wrong.
If he likes to soak the dishes before washing, don’t force him to wash them immediately.
He’s your beau, not your kid.
Besides, telling him, he must wash them right now will only cause more problems.
If he says he will do the dishes, please believe him and let him be.
2. Appreciate your partner’s strengths
We’re humans, and we have our shortcomings.
So instead of focusing on your partner’s weaknesses, appreciate the things he’s great at.
My husband can cook.
But I do most of the cooking.
Sometimes I complain in my mind that he’s not helping. And I know that’s not true.
So I try to shut that voice out.
But my husband doesn’t whine when doing the laundry, the grocery shopping, or teaching our 5yo son to bathe, etc.
So I learn to focus on everything he does to make my day easier.
Not the things I can do without any help from him.
3. To stop judging your partner, disregard the small things
It’s important to learn to ignore the small things to stop judging your partner.
If you’re living together, whether married or just dating, overlooking some things will help you immensely.
So let’s say your partner leaves the coffee mug on the nightstand more often than not.
That is something you can dismiss.
Just pick up the mug and put it away.
Or if it’s the toilet seat -that most people are obsessed about- just put it up or down.
I don’t care about the toilet seat.
Arguing with your partner over a toilet seat doesn’t make sense.
4. Know that people can’t change to make us feel better
To stop judging your partner, you must know that people can’t change to make us feel better.
Even if they do, they will snap back to their true self at a point.
Which can cause a lot of problems in your relationship.
Because they’re trying to be someone else to make you feel okay.
Besides, would you prefer your partner to pretend or just be themselves?
We can’t make people change.
But we can love them the way they are.
Also, if your partner isn’t asking you to change, don’t do it to them.
What’s important is that your partner does their part in the relationship.
5. You can leave them alone
I know this sounds harsh.
But making your partner feel inadequate with your constant judgment is also harsh.
To live with someone, we must be able to compromise and overlook or ignore some things.
But if you think it’s your way or the highway, please leave that person alone.
Let them find someone who loves them the way they are.
And you can also find someone that flows like you.
Boom! Conclusion on how to stop judging your partner
So you know that judging your partner always says more about you and the kind of person you are.
And if you want a peaceful and happy relationship, you must stop judging your spouse harshly.
- focus on your partner’s strengths,
- dismiss the small things,
- see your partner as unique,
- acknowledge that people can’t change for you,
- and maybe leave them alone.
I hope these tips help you stop nitpicking your partner.
So you can grow a healthy relationship where you can be yourselves and be loved anyway.
Back at you.
Were you a judgmental partner?
How did you stop judging your partner?
Please share your tips with us.
Thanks for reading.
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