Several moms on social media say they no longer have time for intimacy because they have kids.
And honestly, this sounds weird to me because we have kids, and intimacy is still very much alive in our marriage.
Now I understand that people are different and sometimes life gets hectic.
And this results in less or lack of intimacy.
So in this post, I’ll share with you how to get the chemistry back in your relationship in 13 practical ways.
13 Practical ways to get the chemistry back in your relationship when you have kids
Before we go into the main points, let’s discuss why there’s a lack of intimacy after kids.
Most of us women feel less confident after having a baby.
And the insecurity about our bodies makes us avoid sex.
Before I had my first kid, someone told me the vagina never contracts to its normal size after vaginal delivery.
Have you heard any of these?
And do they make you insecure that you avoid sex with your partner?
Here are some tips to help you get the chemistry back into your relationship.
1. Talk to your partner
If you feel insecure about your body because you’ve had a baby, talk to your partner about it.
Because how can they help if they don’t know what you’re going through?
Your partner would support you and help you overcome that insecurity.
2. Ask for help – to improve the chemistry in your relationship
It’s hard taking care of a baby all by yourself.
So don’t hesitate to ask for help from your partner and family.
When you have an extra pair of hands helping you and your spouse, you can take care of yourself.
My mom stayed with us for about three months after our kids were born.
It made a whole lot of difference because we wouldn’t have been able to do it on our own.
Besides, it’s our tradition that your mother takes care of you and your newborn.
So you can rest and heal from the whole pregnancy and baby delivery stuff.
3. Take care of yourself
Caring for kids can take all your time.
But if you can find a few hours when they’re napping, do something for yourself.
You can start post-delivery yoga if your doctor says you’re good to go.
Once you start getting active again, you’ll feel more comfortable with your body.
Also, take showers, clean up, and wear fresh clothes.
You don’t have to wear makeup if you don’t want to.
But just taking a shower, washing your hair, and wearing clean clothes can make you feel good about yourself.
And maybe more in the mood for intimacy.
4. Share house chores
I’m sure you know this already.
But I’ll repeat it.
You’d have more time for yourself and intimacy when you share house chores with your partner.
Sometimes we feel we can do everything.
Or our way is the best.
So we refuse help from our partners and other people trying to help us.
If you don’t want to overwork yourself and break down, please let your partner help you with house chores.
It would reduce the workload and leave room for things like intimacy.
5. Put off some chores
It’s difficult to care for your kids, do other house chores, and have intimacy.
That’s why it’s important to put off some chores and take care of yourself.
Do what you can today and leave the rest for another day.
Yes, you may have to do it the next day.
But you’d have time to relax and cuddle with your partner today.
I have days when I’m tired, and my sink is full of dirty plates.
And I’d rather chill with my man instead of overworking myself.
Then I can do the dishes when I’m well-rested.
All I’m saying is to know when to take breaks and de-stress.
You can’t always do it all.
6. Flirt with each other
I know you’re not feeling very sexy right now. It’s normal.
But you can only feel as sexy as you allow yourself to be.
Flirt with your man the way you used to before you had kids.
Talk the dirty talk, face to face and via text.
And you guys will be back on your intimacy train again.
7. Touch more and accept touches too, to improve your chemistry
To reignite intimacy after having kids, touch your partner more.
Just a tiny touch on the shoulder, neck, thigh, or whatever helps you connect with them.
Even if you’re just watching TV, give your man a brief back rub to say you love him.
And when he touches you, accept him.
Accept his shows of affection.
It can improve the chemistry between you.
6. Talk about intimacy outside the bedroom
Many couples shy away from discussing sex inside or outside the bedroom.
They feel intimacy is something you do. Not something you talk about.
I call B.S.
To keep the chemistry alive in your relationship, it would help if you talked about it inside and outside the bedroom.
And in this case, where intimacy is low, please have conversations about it outside the bedroom.
Talk about how you like it.
Also, talk about what you’re not okay with for now. If you’re still insecure about your body.
You’d anticipate what happens inside when you talk about intimacy outside the bedroom.
7. To improve intimacy after having kids, be spontaneous
Intimacy doesn’t always have to happen in the bedroom.
Sometimes get busy in other rooms in your house, when the kids are with their grandparents.
Being spontaneous and changing things up can improve the chemistry in your relationship.
Another thing you can try is to get into it when your kids are eating or engaged in something they enjoy.
Get in your room with your partner, lock the door, and do your thing.
8. Kiss more
Random kisses can help improve and retain intimacy in your relationship.
Kiss when you wake up in the morning, several times during the day, and before you say goodnight.
It’s a small, simple gesture.
But it improves the chemistry in your relationship.
9. Bring in the sexy lingerie
Even if things are not as hot as they used to be, you can light up the fire with sexy lingerie.
If you have one at the bottom of your dresser, please put it on tonight.
Or splurge a little on a new one.
You know you’d feel sexy in your new lingerie.
So take advantage of how you’re feeling.
And give yourself and your partner a pleasurable night.
Please read 9 Simple Things To Do To Look Sexy For Your Husband.
9. Have a bedtime routine for the kids
One of the things that can help you have more intimacy after having kids is to have a bedtime routine.
Choose the time that works for you.
Our kids are under 8 and go to bed at 7 pm every day.
Except on holidays when they can stay up till 8 pm.
And once they’re tucked in, it’s my husband and me until we go to bed.
Find a time that works for you and stick to it.
After a while, everyone will get used to the routine.
Then you and your man can spend your evenings together.
10. Go to bed at the same time to have more intimacy
When you go to bed at the same time, you’d have more physical intimacy.
Maybe a goodnight kiss can turn into a passionate night.
Or just cuddling with your partner and falling asleep is something to look forward to every night.
And it can make a huge difference in your lives.
11. Do things together
Because you have kids now doesn’t mean you’d stop doing things with your man.
Even if you stopped doing things together, you could start all over.
Maybe you used to cook or binge-watch TV shows together; start doing them again.
It brings you guys closer and creates chances for intimacy to happen.
My husband and I used to eat together while dating until we married.
Even after having kids, we continued doing things the same way; nothing changed.
And it’s the same way till today.
12. Create a schedule for intimacy
While this sounds strange to some of us, setting a schedule for intimacy works for many couples.
It’s better to have a schedule to look forward to than nothing.
If spontaneous intimacy is not working for you, a schedule may help.
Don’t be shy about it.
Make a schedule, and work towards it.
Another tip is to throw in some surprises.
Like the sexy lingerie I suggested earlier.
Be creative, and do your thing to make it special.
13. See a therapist
If you’ve tried everything, and nothing seems to be working, seeing a therapist might help.
You may no longer be sexually attracted to your spouse or something else.
But it’s important to talk to a professional with your partner and find a solution.
Conclusion on 13 things to do to improve the chemistry in your relationship after having kids
Boom! 13 ways to improve intimacy in your relationship after having children.
Remember, communicating your feelings with your spouse can make a difference.
Also, ask for and accept help from people around you.
So that you’d be in the right frame of mind to initiate and engage in intimacy with your partner.
I hope you find these tips helpful.
Thanks for reading.
Please share this post. It would mean everything to me.
I’ll see you in the next one.
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