So I saw a post where a girl’s boyfriend told her he didn’t enjoy being friends with his exes as he does with her.
And she’s confused.
She might even be overthinking the statement.
But it is a straightforward statement, as I have grown and learned a lot about relationships.
But I also understand that some of us are very sensitive when discussing past relationships.
And also, with insecurities and biases, we can misconstrue the simplest statements and make a big deal of them.
So this post will help you understand what it means when your boyfriend says he didn’t enjoy being friends with his exes as he does with you.
And how to handle the situation without making a big deal of it.
Let’s dive in.
What it means when he says he’s never liked being friends with his previous lovers.
When my hubby and I started dating, he told me something similar.
He said our conversations flow better than he did with his ex.
Funny enough, I didn’t read too much meaning to it.
Instead, I took it as a compliment. I was blushing.
Also, if looking back at past relationships, I had a few where we were friends.
And some were just surface-level.
But my friendship with my husband is like no other.
Now, because everyone reads deep meaning into the most basic statements, it’s easy to get caught up.
So here’s what it means when your boyfriend says he didn’t like being friends with his exes as he does with you.
It means he loves the connection you have
Straight up, it means he loves the bond you guys have.
Sometimes you meet someone, connect, and everything feels perfect.
It’s not easy to be friends and lovers at the same time.
But once you can build that with someone, it’s something to love and celebrate.
It’s one of the reasons I think about my husband and say to myself, “John is an amazing guy.”
He’s my husband, boyfriend, and best buddy.
- We have similar tastes in music, even as friends in college.
- We’re very flexible about the topics we enjoy discussing.
- And our view of life is very in tune with each other.
So our connection runs deeper than just lovers.
That’s what your boyfriend meant when he said he likes being friends with you more than his exes.
It means he enjoys spending time with you.
Also, when your guy says he enjoys your friendship more than with his exes, it means he loves spending time with you.
Let’s be honest.
Some of us aren’t friends with our partners.
And for some people, their relationships thrive like that.
But some people love being friends with their partners as it strengthens their relationship.
And part of being friends with your partner is spending time together without getting bored.
One Saturday, before we married, my hubby and I spent the whole day indoors.
We talked, ate, and spent time together.
And we weren’t bored of each other.
My husband said that’s when he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
So your boyfriend enjoys your company more than his exes.
That’s essentially what it means.
If not, he would look for reasons to spend time with his guys.
It means he values your friendship more than theirs
Maybe your boyfriend didn’t have much in common with his exes.
So it was hard to build friendships with them.
You know friendships grow when you have mutual interests.
And it’s possible you guys like the same things; that’s why your friendship flows.
And so he values it more than what he had with his exes.
It means he’s moving past his former relationships.
Maybe your boyfriend has a rocky relationship with his former lovers.
So he might be telling you that he’s happy with the friendship you guys have.
And this could be a positive sign that he’s moving on.
And he’s willing to commit to a healthy relationship and strong friendship with you.
He’s being open with you.
Another reason he says he enjoys being friends with you over his exes is because he’s just being open and honest with you.
Which is good for your relationship.
And by telling you he didn’t enjoy their friendship as much as yours, he’s showing you learned from his past.
He now knows you can be amazing lovers and also close friends.
Which was missing in his previous relationships.
What it doesn’t mean – when your boyfriend didn’t like being friends with his exes
As I said at the beginning, it’s very easy to misconstrue what your guy meant by he enjoys being friends with you more than his exes.
And that’s because we read too many meanings to everything.
Also, we sometimes want to make the man the bad guy.
Which isn’t the right thing.
So here’s what it doesn’t mean:
It doesn’t mean he objectifies women.
No, your boyfriend doesn’t objectify women because he didn’t have a close friendship with the women he dated previously.
Suggesting he objectifies women because of this simple statement is overreaching and overthinking.
Like, how did we get there?
Some people claimed he doesn’t see women as people to be friends with.
That’s why he wasn’t friends with his ex-lovers.
This, again, is another plot to make a good guy look bad.
But it’s possible he didn’t know that you could be friends with someone you’re dating.
However, after experiencing friendship with you, he sees the value of being friends with a lover.
It doesn’t mean he never loved his exes.
Another thing you must consider is that because he wasn’t friends with his ex-lovers doesn’t mean he never loved them.
It’s possible he loved them.
But maybe they didn’t have enough in common to become friends and lovers.
So he spent time maintaining friendships with his guys while only dating the lovers.
What to do if you don’t understand what he means
1. Ask him to clarify
If you’re unsure what your boyfriend means about being better friends with you than his exes, ask him to clarify.
Sometimes we mean to say something but may not word it well.
Which might make the meaning a little different from what we intended.
Also, sometimes we need someone to explain what they mean by a statement to get the whole meaning.
So talk to him, and let him explain what he means by enjoying your friendship more than his exes.
2. Please don’t accuse him of anything
Next, please don’t accuse or attack him.
It won’t get you anywhere.
Your goal is to understand what he’s talking about.
Not to paint him as someone or something he’s not.
If he opened up to tell you that he’s never been friends with his exes like he does with you, he’s being honest.
It doesn’t mean he was a bad boyfriend to them.
We can’t jump to that conclusion.
So don’t tag him with what he’s not, as it would only ruin your relationship with this great guy.
3. Work on your bias and insecurities.
Another thing to do is work on your biases and insecurities.
It’s common for us to read deep meanings to the most basic compliments when we are insecure.
Maybe past relationships left us insecure, so we can’t even take a simple compliment.
Or we have this deep bias waiting for the right opportunity to explode.
Some women always make men look bad no matter what happens.
And that kind of mindset can mess up relationships.
So work on your bias so you can see things from several points of view.
And also, don’t let your insecurities control your actions or ability to take a compliment.
4. Please don’t compare yourself to his exes.
The next thing to do is not compare yourself to your boyfriend’s exes.
Whether they were better lovers and you’re a better friend is all irrelevant.
What’s important is your relationship with him.
So focus on that.
5. Understand that every relationship is different.
Think about it.
Is your last relationship the same as the current one?
So maybe the dynamic in your boyfriend’s past relationships made it impossible for them to be friends.
And now he’s more mature and knows more about relationships.
That’s why he’s with you, you wonderful person that he can vibe with.
And that’s also why you guys have a great friendship alongside your romantic relationship.
6. Continue to enjoy your relationship.
Finally, continue to enjoy your relationship with your guy.
Unless you have evidence that he was horrible to his exes.
Not being close friends with your partner is not the worst that can happen in a relationship.
Yes, it’s good when you’re friends.
But some relationships where both partners aren’t best friends still work out.
All relationships aren’t built equal.
So enjoy your boyfriend, and keep building that friendship.
If your boyfriend says he likes being friends with you more than his exes, take it as a compliment.
It just means he values and enjoys being friends and lovers with you.
Please don’t overthink it or go manufacturing things to fight about.
Also, please don’t jump to conclusions (and break your leg, lol) without clarifying the issue with him.
Have an open and honest conversation about it.
Work it out, and continue loving each other.
That’s my two cents on this topic.
Are you close friends with your partner?
Please share your views with us.
And if you think saying he likes being friends with you more than his exes means something else, please share your views in the comments.
Thanks for reading.
See you next time.