I Discovered My Boyfriend Is Married. Should I Tell His Wife?


You discovered your boyfriend has a wife and kids.

You’re mad that he lied to you.

And even madder that he’s cheating on his wife.

Should you tell his wife because you feel she doesn’t deserve such treatment from her husband?

Or should you end it and walk away?

This blog will discuss if you should tell his wife when you discover your boyfriend is married.

Let’s dive in.

3 Things to not do when you discover your boyfriend is married

Now there are some things you shouldn’t do when you find out you’re the side piece to a married man without your knowledge.

And that is:

1. Don’t contact his wife

Some people will convince you to call his wife.

But there’s no need for that.

Besides, when you call his wife, it would look like one of these:

  1. You’re mad you’re the side piece, so you want to ruin his marriage.
  2. Or his wife would think you’re trying to ruin her marriage so you can have her husband.
  3. Most people would believe you were hurt and seeking revenge.
  4. Only few people would think you have the wife’s best interest at heart.

But why do you think you know what’s best for her?

You don’t know her.

However, you must understand that couples and marriages differ significantly.

Maybe his wife knows what he’s doing and is okay with it.

And also, people have different priorities when it comes to marriage and commitment.

For some, a stable home is their primary concern.

And you’d never know; maybe the guy is a great husband and dad who provides his family with stability.

And telling his wife about your relationship would disrupt the peace.

That’s a broken home with kids that won’t have equal access to both parents like they used to.

Consider the children.

You might think you’re helping her.

But she might not want to know any of that.

Or she already knows but doesn’t think it’s not enough to leave her husband.

Think about it.

2. Don’t call his wife anonymously when you discover your boyfriend is married

Also, trying to tell her anonymously is too much trouble to go through to hurt someone.

Yes, the guy would be hurt should you tell his wife. And he would know it’s you.

Also, tormenting his wife only makes things more complicated.

My point is, don’t let your emotions drive your actions.

3. Don’t put yourself in an awkward situation – Put your big girl pants on.

Another reason not to tell his wife is that you don’t need that drama.

Okay, let’s say you tell his wife you’ve been sleeping with her husband for several months.

Then what?

She’s hurt.

She might even blame you for seducing or trying to steal her husband.

These things get ugly quickly.

Instead, remove yourself from the drama.

Put your big girl pants on, and let it go.

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7 things to do instead of telling his wife when you find out your boyfriend has a family.

1. Break up with him

When you discover your boyfriend has a family, the first thing to do is break up with him.

Tell him you know he has a family.

And you can’t date him anymore.

Then move on.

2. Know that it’s not your job to protect his wife when you discover your boyfriend is married.


Your friends may encourage you to tell her so she can leave him.

They want his wife to punish him.

And make him suffer for his sins.

So he won’t deceive another girl in the future.

But it is not your job to protect his wife or tell her how to handle the situation.

Unless she doesn’t know her husband well.

Most people know when their partners are cheating on them.

So leave them alone.

His wife will know sooner or later.

But it is not your job to protect her.

And who even told you she needs protection?

Think about it.

3. Block him everywhere when you find out you’re the sidepiece

After you break up with him, block him everywhere.

You can block his number or change yours if it comes to that.

Do everything you can to extract yourself from the situation.

And if he knows where you live, let him know he’s not welcome.

If he has an ounce of self-respect, he would get the message and leave you alone.

But if he doesn’t, move to the next point.

4. If he doesn’t stop contacting you, threaten to inform the police

You can threaten to call the cops if he doesn’t leave you alone.

And because involving the police would escalate the matter, he would and should back off.

Also, don’t threaten him face-to-face.

It could be risky.

And whatever you do, remember it’s best to call the cops before considering calling his wife.

Also, remember that your friends who encourage you to call his wife would abandon you should things go south.

But let’s say he’s not a psychopath; it’s still not worth it.

Calling his woman and possibly destroying his home could come back and bite you.

So don’t call his wife.


5. Cut your losses and move on.

Hopefully, he has stopped bugging you.

It’s now time to cut your losses and move on.

You made a mistake.

You were deceived.

And you realized it quickly and moved away from the situation.

It hurts, but you’ll be okay.

Stay with friends and family to help you deal with the hurt and heartbreak.

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6. Relax; his wife will eventually find out.


Whether you tell his wife or not, she will eventually find out.

That is if she doesn’t already know and has no problem with her man sleeping with another woman.

Besides, when your partner is cheating, you will see signs.

So she would see the signs, and soon everything will be out in the open.

And you won’t be in the drama.

7. Find someone who’s worth your time.

After you’ve cut your losses and healed from the last relationship, open your mind and try to date again.

That is if you’re still interested in meeting someone.

One of the reasons I said not to tell his wife is that it would keep you from moving on.

He would be mad that you told his wife.

His wife might try to contact you several times, which you don’t want.

And then there’s this triangle that keeps going and going.

It would be exhausting.

Just leave the guy and his family alone.

So you can clear your head and meet someone amazing.

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Moving forward after discovering your boyfriend is married

After discovering your boyfriend is married, it might be hard to trust anyone.

So take all the time you need before dating again.

But don’t take forever.

The next time you meet someone, ask questions.

I know some people lie about who they are.

But I hope you find a good and honest person to have a great relationship with.

Conclusion – When you discover your boyfriend is married, should you tell his wife?

Calling his wife won’t help anyone.

You might think you’re helping his wife.

But calling her would mostly interpret as you being hurt and seeking revenge.

Look, it’s okay to be mad at him.

But moving away from the situation without complicating your life is better than getting involved in drama.

That’s my two cents on the matter.

If you find this post helpful, please share it.

Thanks for reading.

See you soon.

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  1. Though I was already convinced that I don’t want to tell his wife, your post made my belief stronger.

    I can only pray for her (which I will do abundantly) and for all the other ‘victims’ of him.

    It was my foolishness. I should be the one paying the price and not his wife.

    1. Hi Sakshi,
      I’m so sorry you were deceived by a married guy.
      Also, great idea choosing to not call his wife.
      Because sometimes the wife already knows.
      Truth is, most people know when their partners are cheating on them.
      So telling her is like giving her information she might already have or aren’t interested in.
      The best you can do is heal from it, and make sure it never happens again.
      Whether the wife knows now or not, she will eventually find out.
      I always prefer to not over-complicate my life.
      Hope this helps.
      In the end, you’ll be okay.
      xx, Bree.

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