I Dated An Older Man In My 20s – The Pros & Cons, and Nuances
Most people frown at older men dating way younger women.
They call it power play and whatnot.
I had a relationship with an older man in the past.
And also have a close friend who’s married to an older man.
So I know there’s more nuance to this subject.
This post will address the nuances of dating an older man in your 20s.
The nuances of dating an older man in your 20s
1. People will say there’s a power play
But really, is there a power play?
In many articles about younger women dating older men, the writers mostly say it’s power-play.
And that might be true in some cases.
But it is not always the case.
When I was dating my older ex-boyfriend, there was no power play.
Yes, he was influential in his workplace.
And people respected him.
Though sometimes he made me wait. Which was his bad character.
And I believe age had nothing to do with it.
Both younger and older people of both genders can mistreat their partners.
2. But… does the older man think he’s more powerful?
Another thing to consider is, “does the older man think he’s more powerful?”
Because we can’t sit here and say he’s controlling the woman because he’s older and more powerful.
Arguments like this make women forever victims.
Even in cases where women are not.
Yes, he might be influential in society or his workplace.
But in a relationship with a younger woman, the older man might not think himself powerful.
Maybe he sees his woman as someone he loves and cares for.
3. But when women date younger men, some women call it a power play too.
And they try to celebrate that women are now in charge.
It makes some women feel powerful.
Meanwhile, the older woman in the relationship may not view it like that.
Anyway, why does it always have to be a power play?
Isn’t it possible that the older man and younger woman love each other and want to be together?
I married a man five years younger than me.
Even when we were dating, I never thought of power play.
I only saw a man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.
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4. The younger woman might be taking advantage of the older man.
Sometimes, the younger woman might engage in power play in the relationship.
Maybe the older man doesn’t get lucky with women.
And he’s grateful she’s with him.
So she takes advantage of that and treats the older man poorly.
Also, she might be dating other guys outside of him.
Yes, women do it too.
And she doesn’t care if he finds out.
Because as far as she’s concerned, he’s lucky she sleeps with or spends time with him.
So power play can go both ways.
And being powerful and abusing power isn’t exclusive to men alone.
5. They might have an agreement.
Another way to look at older man-younger women relationships is that they might have an agreement.
They might be friends with benefits.
They pleasure each other.
He spoils her with money, gifts, and a luxurious life.
And if both of them agree with the arrangement, that’s what counts.
Most people are outside looking in.
But they don’t know precisely what kind of relationship the younger woman and older man have.
That’s why they assume all sorts of things.
6. Also, dating an older man might be a relationship of convenience, not one for life
Most of the time, a relationship with an older man is for convenience, not love.
Maybe the older man needs company.
And the younger woman isn’t ready to settle down.
Or she doesn’t want to get married.
So being in a relationship with an older man is convenient for her.
She can date him and still focus on her career and other important life goals.
And the older man may not be interested in getting married himself.
So the relationship is convenient for them.
The pros of dating an older man in your 20s
An older man is more mature
Because an older man is more mature and experienced in dating and women, he knows how to treat and make you feel special.
And most older men don’t have time for drama.
As long as you respect him, and he’s good to you, you’re okay.
He would take you to places.
An older man would take you to places you never dreamed you could enter in your twenties.
My ex and I used to go to fancy restaurants and nightclubs.
And I felt like a big girl because I was entering places my friends had never been.
An older man is more financially stable.
Another pro of dating an older man is that he’s more financially stable.
Because he’s been working and gathering money for years.
And if he’s not married and decides to get married, his family will be financially secure too.
The cons of dating an older man in your 20s
He would come with baggage.
My ex-boyfriend (an older guy) had kids.
Though he never married his kids’ mothers.
Also, they lived in different countries.
And he talked about his kids a lot.
But it never bothered me.
However, I want you to know that most older men already have kids and maybe an ex-wife.
And sometimes, there might be drama with his family.
He might not be looking for commitment.
As I said, he might be done having kids, etc.
So an older man might not be looking for a serious relationship.
Or at least not marriage.
So if you’re looking to get married, the older man may not be able to give you that.
But it doesn’t mean there’s a scarcity of single older men looking for marriage and kids.
Ally of Real Fem Sapien on Youtube is married to an older man.
And she’s happy.
He might not be as available as you’d like
Some older men may not always be available to hang out with you.
They’d rather be with their friends and discuss business or whatnot.
But still, not all older men do this.
It boils down to what he deems a priority.
Your family and friends will judge you.
Another disadvantage of dating an older man is that family and friends may judge you.
Family and friends judged me when I married a man five years younger than me.
But my friend who married a man 20 years older than her wasn’t judged by her family.
Instead, her dad accepted him.
And my friend and her hubby have been happily married for years.
People will always judge.
So do what’s best for you.
Now back to you…
Why do you want to date an older man in your 20s?
Ask yourself these questions before choosing to date an older man.
Do you like him?
When my ex-boyfriend (an older man in his 40s then) approached me, I didn’t like him at first.
But he persisted.
And he did some romantic things that made me fall for him.
Then I started liking him.
And we dated for about two years before we broke up.
So do you like the older man you want to date?
Or is it something else?
Do you want to satisfy a desire by dating an older man in your 20s?
Another reason you might be crushing on an older man can be to satisfy a desire.
Some of us have all sorts of fantasies.
And maybe you’ve fantasized about sleeping with an older man.
That’s why you’re crushing on him.
Or you’re crushing on an older man because he’s hot.
Another reason you’re crushing on an older man might be because he’s hot.
Some older men are very stylish.
And it’s a bonus if they’re fit and handsome.
Also, the grey hair that some younger men cover with hair dye, older men wear sexily.
So several things can make an older man look very attractive to you.
And it’s normal.
Also, is it a well-balanced relationship?
Another thing to consider when dating an older man is if the relationship is well-balanced.
That is, both of you are willing to be in the relationship.
And you treat each other with respect.
Also, you both agree on the kind of relationship you have.
Are you looking to get married?
Or is it just a long-term relationship?
Or you’re friends with benefits.
As long as nobody is lording over the other, you’re good.
My close friend dated and married an older man.
I knew them when they were dating.
They loved each other and wanted to be together.
And they’ve been married for years.
Now they travel the world and blog about their trips.
So should you date an older man in your 20s?
It’s your choice.
Dating an older man in your 20s is your choice and yours alone to make.
A 20-something-year-old is considered an adult that can make your own decisions.
So decide for yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with dating an older man in your 20s
I don’t see anything wrong with dating an older man in your twenties.
If you like each other, date yourselves away.
You can date an older man if you’re old enough to consent.
And it depends on what you call older.
Some twenty-something women call men in their 30s older.
While some think older men are men in their 40s, 50s, and older.
So choose the age bracket that works for you.
Or date a 20-something-year-old guy.
But if you’re 19 and younger, please date guys within your age bracket
Like I said earlier, there are nuances to younger women dating older men.
And I think if you’re 19 or younger, you’re better off dating guys in your age bracket.
I dated guys within my age group in my early to late teens.
And I liked it.
Because you’re both young and cute and figuring this dating thing out.
Conclusion on the pros and cons of dating an older man in your 20s
So those are the pros and cons of dating an older man as a young woman in your 20s.
People will judge you.
They will make assumptions.
Some will even try to save you – believing you aren’t old enough to choose to date an older man.
But at the end of the day, you know what’s best for you.
If you want to date or marry an older man, do it.
But please don’t date a married man.
That’s a whole drama on its own.
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Thanks for reading.
See you in the next one.
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