It’s weird that your boyfriend would want you to befriend his ex.
I know because I’ve been in a similar situation.
And looking back, it was very demeaning.
And if you ask me if I’d do it again, I’d say NO.
In this post, we’ll discuss why your boyfriend wants you to be friends with his ex.
And what to do should this happen.
A little backstory
So I was dating some guy many years back.
And his ex was always in the picture.
He claims they stayed friends after breaking up.
Anyway, I tried to deal with him being friends with his ex.
Then one day, he told me his ex was leaving the country.
And he had asked her to teach me how to make a dish he loves.
And she agreed.
But I never liked the idea.
But he persuaded me that it’s not a big deal.
Anyway, I agreed to learn how to make this meal.
She, the ex, was calm and friendly.
I watched her make the meal and heard her talk about how he likes his meat.
At that point, I said no way.
I won’t put up with this.
So I left.
My ex (then boyfriend) was mad. But I wasn’t having it anymore.
And that was the beginning of the end of our relationship.
Your story or why your boyfriend wants you to be friends with his ex might differ.
But most times, it’s best to leave the ex out of your current relationship.
Why your boyfriend wants you to be friends with his ex
So why is it important to your guy that you become friends with his ex-girlfriend?
Here are possible reasons:
1. They’re still seeing each other.
Thinking about it.
Why would your boyfriend wants so badly for you to be friends with his ex?
They may still be seeing each other.
And if you’re friends with her, you’re less likely to suspect anything.
Because now he can say he’s not hiding anything from you.
And even if you’re suspecting anything, it would seem like you’re misinterpreting things.
Or you’re just insecure.
I’m saying this because even after said ex left the country, my (then)boyfriend stayed in touch with her.
Even used her picture as his phone screen saver.
And lying about who she was.
But I quickly saw through his B.S.
2. He doesn’t respect you.
Another reason your boyfriend wants you to be friends with his ex is because he doesn’t respect you.
If a guy respects you, he wouldn’t even consider asking you to be friends with his ex.
Even if he’s friends with her, he would never force you to do the same.
After my experience with this guy, I decided to back off when I noticed that guy was actively in touch with his ex.
If he likes his ex so much to be friends, that’s fine.
But I also have the right not to be okay with it.
How much more become friends with her.
Don’t let anyone disrespect you like that.
3. He’s only thinking about himself.
Some of us are very selfish, and we only think about ourselves.
If your boyfriend tells you to be friends with his ex, he’s only thinking about what’s best for him.
He doesn’t care how it affects you emotionally and mentally.
Agreeing to be friends with your boyfriend’s ex can make you doubt your self-worth.
I used to think less of myself back then.
That’s one of the reasons I didn’t know that some things shouldn’t be allowed in a relationship.
Like learning how to cook a certain dish from your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend.
I thought, okay, if I learned it, then I can cook it for him.
Maybe it’s not a bad idea.
But I could have still learned to cook said dish from anybody else.
Also, why was it necessary to him that I learned how to make that meal?
When it’s not a do-or-die matter.
Maybe he wanted to eat his cake and have it.
But I was too in love to see the B.S.
4. He’s leading you on
When your man wants you to be friends with his ex, he’s probably leading you on.
This means he has no plans of taking your relationship to the next level.
Because if he sees you in his future, he will do everything he can to keep you.
He wouldn’t think of, let alone insist, that you become friends with his ex-girlfriend.
But when a guy tells you to make friends with his ex, you’re likely the side-chick.
Only God knows what he’s telling his ex.
But that’s not important.
Just know that a man that takes you seriously wouldn’t put you in any awkward situation that makes you doubt your place with him.
And that includes keeping his ex out of your lives.
5. She’s a priority to him.
If his ex isn’t his priority, why is it important to him that you’re friends?
Because, for all we know, he’s likely putting her best interest before yours.
He wants her to feel comfortable.
But does not consider your comfort.
Has he asked if you’re comfortable being friends with his ex?
And if you’re not, is he okay with it?
Because if he’s mad that you won’t be friends with her, it tells a lot about where his priority lies.
What to do when your boyfriend wants you to be friends with his ex
Now let’s discuss what you can do if your man asks you to be friends with his ex.
Ask why it’s important to him
First, ask him why you must be friends with his ex.
You know there’s more to it if he doesn’t give you any concrete reason.
Of which there is no good reason a man would want his ex and current lover to be friends.
Imagine that my then-boyfriend’s reason was for me to learn how to make his favorite soup.
The way his ex makes it.
Some women claim that they’re friends with their partner’s exes.
And that there’s nothing wrong with it.
What I’ll say is, “To each their own.”
People are different.
Maybe they’re stronger than you and me.
So they’re okay being friends with their partner’s ex. Fine.
But the truth is, being friends with your partner’s ex doesn’t benefit your relationship.
Like, what’s the point of the friendship?
Don’t let him force you to be friends with his ex
If you’re uncomfortable being friends with your partner’s ex, don’t let them push you.
And if you met the ex and decide to be friends (which is highly unlikely), that’s okay.
But your boyfriend shouldn’t make you become friends with her.
And you can choose to refuse her friendship.
You’re an adult, for crying out loud.
Consider breaking it off with him.
After the whole shebang of learning how to cook the soup and discovering they still have a thing, I broke up with my boyfriend.
And you can choose to do that if your refusal to be friends with his ex is causing friction in your relationship.
If your boyfriend cannot deal with the fact that you can choose who you become friends with, then he’s not your man.
He wants to be your dad and tell you what to do.
And we don’t date our dads.
So consider ending the relationship, and move on with your life.
I know it’s hard to break up when you love someone.
But most times, it’s best to break it off when a relationship is becoming a control plot.
In conclusion, should you agree to be friends with your boyfriend’s ex?
It depends on you, your relationship, and what you want.
Well, I won’t.
We’ll do what’s best for us.
If you don’t want to be friends with your guy’s ex, then don’t.
And remember that a guy who cares about you wouldn’t think or even say he wants you to be friends with his ex.
That’s my two cents on this topic.
Back to you.
Are you friends with your boyfriend’s ex?
Please let us know in the comments.
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Thanks for reading.
See you in the next one.