Your Boyfriend Sleeps Knowing You’re Upset – Why & What To Do
In a relationship, being each other’s emotional support is only normal.
But it hurts when your partner can sleep while you’re crying.
As someone who cries a lot when things get overwhelming, having someone not sleep on me helps a lot.
This post will discuss why your boyfriend went to sleep knowing you were upset and what to do about it.
Let’s begin.
6 Reasons your guy can sleep knowing you were upset
I had an ex who was uninterested in supporting me emotionally.
He would tune out when I needed emotional support.
He might say something dismissive or ignore what I say entirely.
And I gradually stopped talking about stuff altogether.
And at some point, we went our separate ways.
But now, having a man that holds me whenever I cry, I see the difference.
So here are reasons your man sleeps knowing you’re upset:
1. He doesn’t care as much as he thinks he does
One of the main reasons he can go to bed knowing you’re crying is that he doesn’t care that much.
Maybe he thinks he does.
But we know people care about us by their actions, not words.
So he might say he cares about you.
But if he doesn’t show it by at least holding you when you cry, he doesn’t care.
And even if your relationship is new, a caring person will be there with you.
Sometimes when I cry at night, my husband might be asleep.
But once he hears me, he wakes up and holds me.
He used to ask me why I was crying.
But I told him I couldn’t talk while crying.
Because I need to cry my fill and talk after. Lol.
So he holds me until I’m done, then we talk about it the same night or the next day.
Also, your partner doesn’t have to know you for decades before they can show care when you break down.
Even some strangers stop to comfort you when you’re crying in public or whatnot.
How much more someone you’re in a relationship with?
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2. He’s not good at giving emotional support
Another reason he goes to bed when you’re crying is maybe because he’s not sure what to do when someone cries.
Some of us are like that.
Maybe he’s never had anyone rely on him for emotional support.
So he has never had to comfort anyone.
Yes, it sounds weird, but it does happen.
And you’d know when you ask questions and discuss them.
3. He thinks you want to be left alone; that’s probably why your boyfriend sleeps when you’re upset
Some of us want to be left alone when we’re upset.
Your partner may have been with lovers who prefer to cry alone.
And they usually talk about the issue when they’re no longer upset.
If that’s mostly what he’s experienced, his first reaction would be to give you space to let it all out.
Then come back to you when you’re feeling better.
And you know, we sometimes think most people like the same things.
So he may think that’s what most women prefer.
And so he sleeps when you cry, believing you guys will talk in the morning.
4. He understands it’s one of those days
Once in a while, life gets overwhelming, and I cry just to let out steam and move on.
And sometimes, I can’t pinpoint exactly why I’m crying.
My husband used to be worried when he saw me crying.
But after telling him it’s my way of coping with stress, he now understands.
So he knows it’s one of those days.
Especially when he asks me why, and I say, “I don’t know.”
Still, he holds me and tells me it’s okay and everything will be alright.
Or he asks me if it’s my monthly dose of crying, which always makes me laugh.
But his hug and voice comforts me.
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5. He needs to sleep
When he sleeps while you’re upset, it might be because he has to work the next day.
Sometimes when I cry and my husband wakes up, or even if he’s awake, he holds me and says, “Babe, let’s sleep.”
He’s a doctorate student.
So I understand if he needs to sleep.
But he would hold me, and we’ll fall asleep together and talk in the morning.
So maybe your guy is trying to catch some sleep since he has to work the next day.
Or he’s exhausted and can’t process his thoughts.
That’s why he wants to sleep and talk the next day.
6. Maybe you’re blackmailing him with your crying is why he goes to bed when you’re upset.
If they can go to bed while you’re upset, it’s probably because we’ve weaponized our tears.
Sometimes we cry for good reason.
And sometimes, we try to exploit our partners by crying.
Let’s not pretend.
We do it a lot.
And when your partner realizes you cry over anything and everything to get your way, they might ignore you.
Some of us cry to avoid apologizing.
And because most men can’t stand to watch us cry, we take advantage of it.
So think about it.
Why are you crying?
Do you cry to make your guy feel like he hurt you even when you know he didn’t?
Or is crying your tactic for getting him to do what you want?
Once your partner realizes that you’re weaponizing your tears, he might as well sleep.
Nobody loves being taken advantage of.
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So what can you do if he sleeps while you’re crying?
Talk about it
If you’re hurt because your boyfriend went to sleep knowing you’re upset, talk about it.
Tell him how it makes you feel when he ignores your need for emotional support.
Also, share your struggles with him.
Please don’t keep it all inside and burst out one day.
It’s okay to tell your partner how you’re feeling so they can help you work things out.
It can bring some relief and less breaking down when it’s too much.
I hope this makes sense.
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Also, tell him what you need when you’re upset.
Some people think they should leave you alone to release your emotions and talk later.
But it would be best if you let your partner know how it works with you.
Like me, I told my husband that he shouldn’t ask why I was crying.
Because I don’t want to talk while crying.
But I can talk after.
And all I need him to do is hold and be with me.
And that’s what he does when I cry.
So tell your guy what you prefer; if he cares, he will be there for you.
And he can support you in the way that’s best for you.
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Work on yourself
I know we all break down once in a while.
But if we’re constantly crying about anything and everything, it can signify something more serious.
And if we don’t deal with it, it may become exhausting for our partners.
So think about why you’re crying.
Is it something you can or can’t fix?
Then fix it or seek professional help.
Maybe that will help.
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Spend time with people who love you.
When I just started living with my boyfriend (now husband), I used to cry a lot.
And that’s mostly because I was missing home.
So I made sure to go home every weekend to see my family.
It helped me deal with that sadness or homesickness.
Also, when we moved to the US, I cried a lot.
Because I was far from home and in a new place, starting a new life with unique struggles.
And meeting people that became good friends and family helped a great deal.
I don’t know how long you’ve been dating or what you’re going through.
But spending time with your loved ones, besides your guy, might help a lot.
Visit your family.
Spend time with your friends and enjoy a different setting.
It should help you balance your feelings and relationship.
If he goes to sleep knowing you’re upset, please leave him
We and our partners aren’t meant to be perfect.
We all make mistakes.
Like not knowing how to be there for our partners sometimes.
But if your partner is constantly going to bed when you’re upset.
And you’re not crying to get your way or something like that.
And you’ve discussed it several times.
Then they might not be the best partner for you.
And you have every right to leave them.
It won’t be easy.
But you’re better off being single than with someone who doesn’t care about your emotions.
And I won’t be surprised if this same person wants you to be there for them when they’re struggling.
Because my ex was like that.
He could rest on my shoulders for support but never offered his.
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What you must know
Now that you know why he can sleep when you’re crying, here’s what you must know:
You deserve love and care.
Your partner sleeping when you’re upset can make you feel unloved.
And I need you to know that you deserve love and care.
And wanting your partner’s support when you’re down is normal.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel bad for wanting to be shown love.
It’s okay to breakdown and cry sometimes
Also, you must know that it’s okay to break down sometimes.
We all have those days.
Some of us have perfected bottling up everything and never crying.
But that’s unhealthy.
It’s okay to cry, have someone hold, and tell you you’ll be alright.
It’s also okay to leave someone who doesn’t show you love
Another thing you mustn’t forget is that it’s okay to leave a boyfriend who cannot be there for you.
Even if it’s to sit with you without saying a word.
Sometimes he doesn’t have to say anything.
He just needs to be there with you while you let it all out.
And you’d feel better.
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Lastly, it’s not okay to manipulate your partner by crying
Let’s not forget that some of us cry to get our way.
And that’s unhealthy for your relationship.
So if you’re doing it, please stop it.
Conclusion on why he goes to sleep knowing you’re crying
So if he sleeps when you’re crying it’s probably because:
- He’s tired and needs to sleep,
- Or he doesn’t care as much as you do. or,
- He doesn’t know how to act when you’re upset.
It could be anything.
But you’re the one involved with this person and know him better than the rest of us.
So talk about your issues and choose the best solution that works for you.
I hope this helps.
If you find this post helpful, please share it.
Thanks for reading.
See you next time.
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