Marriage is the only school where you start learning after getting the certificate.
As newlyweds, many of us go into marriage with many expectations and ideas.
Over the years, you’ll have to do a lot of unlearning and relearning.
Which will help you through the difficult times, bring you closer, and help keep the fire in your marriage burning.
Here are eight lessons I learned from being married for eight years.
These lessons have been beneficial in my marriage.
And I hope you’d learn a thing or two from them.
8 Important lessons I’ve learned from 8 years of marriage
1. Ignore the minor things
Neither of you is perfect; always remember that.
You both come from different families with different values and beliefs.
That you two are head-over-heels about each other is a whole different ball game from living with that one person forever.
You are bound to piss each other off now and again.
Not sweating the small stuff does not extend to abuse, infidelity, and the like.
Where ‘they’: put the remote, the salt, their clothes, or left their shoes are not things to be nagged over if it isn’t much of a problem to you.
If something bugs or tempts you to grumble or nag, discuss it with your partner before it leads to more severe issues.
You have heard of couples getting divorced over what side the tube of toothpaste is to be pressed from.
Please read 5 Simple Hacks To Stop Judging Your Partner.
2. Learn not to let the sun go down on your anger.
It is normal to disagree with your spouse, which may lead to bad feelings.
But don’t let the bad feelings fester.
As it does not do good for either of you.
You might even strongly disagree.
Thrash it out, find a solution and go back as quickly as possible to be happy.
But letting the ‘wound fester could result in amputation.
3. Learn not to always jump to conclusions
You have been married for a couple of years does not mean you know your significant other 100%.
When you notice something from your spouse, an attitude, or something they have done, please don’t assume you know exactly what is wrong with them.
Or that they know what is wrong with you.
The best way to get a definite answer is to communicate; talk!
Many marriages and ugly situations have been saved by mere communication.
Communication with your spouse is as important as the air you breathe.
If you feel somehow, your spouse is not telepathic.
So speaking out is the best way to get the message across.
Please read 9 Simple Ways To Be Your Man’s Friend.
4. Learn to be open about a whole lot, even the difficult things
Being secretive or outright lying about stuff will do your marriage no good.
Have you ever experienced how when you tell one lie, you have to say another lie to cover it and another lie to cover that one?
And before you say, Jack, you have a whole string of lies you must remember always.
You think your spouse might not remember, but you will be surprised how many lies will stick.
And it’s funny how fate works; there is a chance for those lies to come back and bite you in the butt.
Understandably, you don’t want to hurt your partner.
But it is a small price to pay, considering that once trust is broken, it is almost impossible to put it back.
So the next time you delete a chat you don’t want your spouse to see, remember you shouldn’t be chatting with that person in the first place.
And if you find yourself hiding lots of stuff from your partner, maybe it’s time to brace up and have that painful discussion.
5. Learn not to give too much info about your marriage/ spouse to friends and family members
Always giving detailed info about your spouse, positive or negative, to your family members or friends can be digested wrongly.
And cause havoc in your home.
You never know when someone will say or do what and where they’ll say or do it.
In place of extreme emotion, make a mental note to put a rein on your tongue when talking to family members about your spouse.
Be clear to family and friends about not entertaining negative comments about your spouse.
Besides, when you leave the room, your spouse becomes a topic for gossip.
You do not want to expose your spouse to bad vibes, especially from family or friends.
Because it will rub off on you the wrong way.
Also, when your spouse is a topic for discussion, you will always be roped into the mess.
Please read How To Keep People Out Of Your Relationship.
6. I learned not to be a burden on purpose
Always aim to lighten the ‘load’ of the other person if you can.
Marriage comes with its own ‘weight’ of different forms, with each person carrying one or more ‘baggage’ or the other, which they may or may not dwell on.
You should help your partner carry some weight and not add to it intentionally.
Learning to help ease things for your spouse in any way you can, is not tied down to finances, chores, emotions, etc.
No matter how good their intentions are, if one partner carries the weight for you both, there’s a tendency that they’ll be strained.
And this can put a strain on your marriage.
So the next time you are out of a job and unable to support yourself financially.
And your spouse is carrying the financial burden for the family.
Find another way to help them not feel too much stress.
It could be cutting down a few unnecessary luxuries.
Or simple praise and encouragement to make the other person feel appreciated.
And, of course, this should be reciprocal.
7. Learn to create together time
This will help you two to bond further.
Have you noticed how many couples lose ‘together’ time, especially when they start having kids?
I should know.
We could only go to child-friendly places.
We couldn’t stay out too late.
And I stayed at home with the kid most time.
Not being invited out much by friends (especially not with a needy baby).
But hubby got to go out more while I felt lonely.
Being used to hanging out with me, he started staying at home more often.
And that’s how our time together waned.
Until we were confident enough to get someone to stay with the kid so we could have some time alone to bond.
Even when you cannot go out for any reason, you can create ‘together’ time at home.
Drop the kids off with trusted family or friends and stay home to watch a movie.
Have dinner for two or talk and enjoy each other’s company.
Alternatively, you can wait until the kids have gone to bed and do something fun for just the two of you.
These are moments to look forward to.
It is worrying how social media has contributed to keeping couples apart.
As most people are glued to their phones when they’re supposed to be bonding with their spouses.
Please read these posts:
- How To Prioritize Your Marriage – 10 Tried & Tested Ways.
- How To Get Chemistry Back In Your Relationship – After Having Kids
- 15 Habits Of Couples In Happy Relationships
8. Time alone is equally important
Another lesson I learned from being married for eight years is that time alone is essential.
So even if you spend lots of time with your spouse, make time for yourself alone.
This is the time to enjoy your hobbies and learn whatever new skill you want.
Or go for coffee with friends.
Spending time away from your spouse helps you balance personal and romantic relationships.
Boom! 8 marriage lessons learned after 8 years of union
I hope you find these eight lessons I learned from being married for eight years helpful.
And I hope you had a good read.
Please share this post; it would mean everything to me.
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